Chapter 165
“……Yes.”
Kazhan, undeterred by her somewhat delayed reply, asked Ysaris politely.
“May I hold your hand?”
“…….”
Rather than answering, Ysaris simply stared at Kazhan. Perhaps because I had pulled away earlier to avoid his touch, as I kept watching my husband who did not dare reach out, the question shifted.
“What about pressing our foreheads together?”
“…….”
“A hug would be nice too.”
“…….”
“And of course, a kiss is out of the question.”
“What exactly is it that you want?”
Why is this man suddenly acting like this? To Ysaris, who shot him a suspicious glance, a matter-of-fact voice replied.
“Haven’t I already said it? I want nothing more than to hold your hand, press our foreheads together, embrace, and kiss you.”
“But we were just discussing how I could possibly trust you.”
“I want to be close to you, flesh to flesh, at any time, any day.”
“Can’t you read the mood right now?”
When Ysaris looked at him with a vexed expression, Kazhan cleared his throat and straightened his posture.
“As a way to earn your trust, I can only offer you words imbued with all my sincerity—until you come to believe in me.”
“……Is that all you just said?”
“Didn’t you feel the sincerity? I truly long for your warm touch. Even when we are together, I yearn for you, especially since it’s been weeks since I last truly touched you.”
Ysaris was left speechless. If it were a joke, given how earnest Kazhan appeared, she couldn’t bring herself to retort.
Trust is not built merely on sincere words, after all. Isn’t it, in essence, built up layer by layer from one’s past actions rather than present or future ones?
But was there any alternative? The fact remained that if he were to earn my trust once again, he would have to show it through heartfelt words and actions from now on.
In a sense, that’s a fair point….
“……Then what reason do I have to trust you?”
But that doesn’t erase the wrongs Kazhan has already committed. He, who once earned her trust, could very well lie again.
Ultimately, to Ysaris—who believed it all to be meaningless—Kazhan answered.
“Then, your heart would be at ease, and I would be delighted if you opened yours to me. No matter how much you may doubt me, my feelings for you are genuine.”
In the end, it all circled back to love—a love that was the only truth Ysaris could be sure of in him.
Kazhan’s words did not end there. Instead, his calm, reciting voice took on a paradoxically refined passion, as if marking the beginning.
“You can’t even begin to imagine how deeply I love you. In fact, I sometimes think it’s better that you remain unaware. My love for you is not so much beautiful as it is intensely overwhelming—perhaps you’d be astonished if you saw it for what it truly is, so dense that you couldn’t even discern its depths.”
Kazhan studied Ysaris intently. Beneath neatly arched platinum eyebrows, his deep, clear eyes met hers. It was always electrifying to behold those eyes, reflecting the sky or the sea, completely capturing me.
“Earlier, I said that I want to be close to you, flesh to flesh, at any time. Allow me to elaborate: even now, I long to press my lips against your entire body—to interlace my fingers with yours, to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, to explore every corner, to bite, suck, and nibble, and even to drive my desires into you as if mad. I merely restrain myself out of respect for you, knowing that you would be uncomfortable if I did not.”
“…….”
Ysaris brushed away the goosebumps on her arm with her other hand. Each of Kazhan’s words vividly evoked the sensations that always accompanied our union—so much so that his obsessive desire for me often left me with tight muscle aches the following day, as if I were being devoured.
“Even in this very moment, as I stand before you, I yearn for you. I want to converse more with you, to intertwine our bodies, to share our emotions. If only you would love me once again, I could fall to my knees and worship you at once—I merely restrain myself so as not to burden you.”
“…….”
“You may distance yourself from me because I killed Kelloden, but even if you take everything from me, I will still love you. Even if you ruin my life, even if Uzephia falls into ruin, or even if the world itself crumbles—my love for you will remain unchanged. For in my eyes, you are everything I need.”
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