Chapter 167
“…….”
Ysaris could not bring herself to answer his plain yet profound words. Surely, Kazhan was the aggressor and I was the victim, yet when faced with his unrestrained outpouring of emotion, it felt as though the roles were reversed.
Between people, there comes a time when something is given and something is taken. In a world where even the most abstract things are measured by cost and benefit, the expectation of simply receiving love made her uneasy.
Yet, she could not return Kazhan’s feelings. Even if she felt a certain fondness, she did not love him. With his hidden past and the memory of Bariteon still looming, it was something she must never truly love.
Ysaris sighed at the collision of her conflicting consciences. If only she were selfish, she could act as she pleased—but she was not, and that made it all the more painful.
At this point, she even began to suspect that Kazhan, knowing me so well, was confessing without restraint. How could he know whether his intention was to make me feel the pangs of conscience or merely to express his sincerity?
Ysaris pressed her lips shut and studied Kazhan. As she silently met his vividly red eyes that so clearly reflected me, that familiar, indescribable feeling welled up.
All other backgrounds vanished, and in the world he saw, it felt as if only I moved—an intense desire stretching directly toward her, so powerful it nearly stole her breath.
“…….”
“…….”
A profound silence fell. After having been consciously aware of her breathing for a while, Ysaris suddenly realized that Kazhan was far too close.
No, it wasn’t a figment of her imagination. Only belatedly did she realize that while she had been lost in his ruby-like eyes, he had indeed come close enough for his breath to be felt.
Tap.
Just as Ysaris stepped back and furrowed her brow, preparing to speak, a deep voice interjected first.
“My apologies. I did not mean it intentionally.”
“You call that a mistake?”
“It was because I became lost in your eyes.”
Ysaris parted her lips, then tiredly closed her eyes. I, too, had been momentarily captivated by the red gleam in his gaze, yet I had refrained from taking advantage of it.
Kazhan was always like this. How long would he continue to justify his actions by using love as an excuse? The thought provoked a sigh of discontent in her, as if it were an ever-present complaint.
“Could you please stop that?”
“What do you mean?”
“The way you so readily… you know…”
Steeling herself, Ysaris opened her eyes and glared at Kazhan.
“I mean your unbridled expression of your emotions toward me. It makes my heart uneasy—I wish you would restrain yourself.”
Perhaps it was a cruel demand, essentially even harsher than turning a blind eye to his feelings.
But she found no other way out of the current situation. It seemed better, rather than continuing this ambiguous state where neither of them truly belonged, to at least once be the bad person.
After all, she could always reveal that she was unable to reciprocate his feelings, that receiving them was burdensome. In the end, when his love inevitably waned, it would lead to a mutually comfortable conclusion.
Ysaris concealed her tension and watched Kazhan’s reaction. He fixed his gaze on her blankly for a moment before, after a brief pause, inclining his head and saying:
“This is a difficult request. I was merely answering you just now, not so much expressing my emotions.”
Surprisingly, Kazhan was sincere. Caught in the depths of Ysaris’s lake-like blue eyes, he had drawn closer, and he explained it just as it was.
Of course, to Ysaris it was an unsatisfactory answer.
“……I’m saying, please refrain from speaking words that might be taken as compliments toward me.”
“Are you telling me not to speak to you at all?”
“Perhaps that would be better—if that’s all you can manage.”
Kazhan carefully observed the weariness on Ysaris’s face as he asked:
“Even in public or in front of Mikael?”
“Well, that is…”
Ysaris hesitated, unable to respond easily. In the end, it circled back to the starting point. Overwhelmed by the realization that their previous conversation had amounted to nothing, she suppressed the rising frustration and continued:
“Regardless of whose presence it is, you could at least try to maintain proper boundaries.”
She only wished to grant her beloved son a normal family life. If they were to remain in the palace indefinitely, she wanted their time with his father to be pleasant for the child.
Yet, if this continued to cause me so much stress, it would be something to reconsider. And so, she spoke once more.
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