Chapter 79
“The child cannot be allowed. Please, Your Majesty, don’t.”
“What?”
“I will live as if I were dead, without revealing the father to anyone. If it displeases you for me to raise the child, I can send him away for adoption elsewhere. So please, I beg you, just let him live.”
Suddenly, Ysaris knelt down, pleading. Kazhan looked at her as though he’d just been struck on the head. He wondered if she was mocking him, but the trembling arms clutching his pant leg told him otherwise.
‘What must she think of me to believe I would kill a child?’
‘I just confessed that I loved you.’
“Calm down and stand up. Why do you think I would harm the child?”
“I heard you say you would rather kill him than see him with me. I don’t care what happens to me, but please, at least spare the child…”
“I never said that. Calm yourself.”
“If you’re going to deny it, then promise me. Promise you won’t touch the child.”
“I promise. I swear on the name of the Emperor. Not a single hair on our child will be harmed.”
Only then did Ysaris’ trembling stop. Her hands loosened their grip on the fabric of his pants, which had been wrinkled from her tight hold.
Kazhan looked down at Ysaris, who sighed in relief, with a complex expression. He couldn’t pinpoint where things had gone wrong between them, but now he realized that far more had become tangled than he had previously thought.
“…First, get up. You’ll get soaked.”
“Yes, Your Majesty…”
Though her skirt was already drenched from touching the ground, Ysaris belatedly stood. Her legs wobbled for a moment from weakness, but she quickly steadied herself.
As she lifted her head, she saw Kazhan’s hand, which had been stretched out toward her but stopped mid-air. It seemed like he had intended to help her when she lost her balance, yet now he was frozen, caught between reaching out further or pulling back.
‘Why now?’
Ysaris felt uncomfortable with Kazhan’s gesture. An unpleasant feeling rose within her as she stepped back, and his hand, which had flinched at her retreat, clenched into a fist before dropping to his side.
Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t been hit by the rain at all. Kazhan had been holding an umbrella over her the entire time.
This too felt awkward and uncomfortable, so she stepped back again, and once more, Kazhan followed. He kept pace with her, ensuring she stayed within the umbrella’s shelter while he let the rain drench him.
One step. Two steps.
For every step Ysaris took back, Kazhan followed. As if this was the only thing he could do, he continued to hold the umbrella over her, despite being soaked himself.
“…”
“…”
An awkward silence stretched between them. Blue eyes and red eyes exchanged glances, filled with unspoken meanings.
Ysaris was the first to break the silence.
“Even if Your Majesty acts this way, I will not return to Uzephia.”
“I’m not doing this to win your favor.”
“That’s a relief. Something like this wouldn’t win me over anyway.”
Ysaris didn’t bother to ask why he was doing it then. No matter how many questions she asked about Kazhan’s behavior, she had never received a proper answer, nor did she want to waste her energy on him.
She just wanted to end this unnecessary situation and go home to rest. Merely speaking with Kazhan was exhausting, as an overwhelming sense of stress weighed on her, leaving her body weary.
As she focused on how to escape, an unexpected voice reached her ears.
“I don’t like seeing you get wet in the rain.”
Kazhan, who had never explained his actions before, slowly continued speaking.
“That’s why I’m holding the umbrella for you. I don’t want you, who’s so frail, to get sick from being in the rain.”
Kazhan met Ysaris’ gaze, not avoiding her, even as she looked at him with a bewildered expression. Despite her eyes questioning his sanity, he did not regret his words.
It had been a continuous cycle of deceiving himself and living in denial. His feelings of betrayal and anger toward Ysaris had overshadowed his love, leaving him with no time to confront his buried emotions.
Even though he knew it was too late, he now felt strangely relieved that he could finally express his true feelings, even if it seemed foolish.
Kazhan, his face now calm, spoke again.
“If we stay out here any longer, you’ll catch a cold. Go inside, wash up, and rest. I’ll come by later this evening.”
“…”
Ysaris couldn’t understand why Kazhan, who was completely soaked, was worrying about her. She had been certain that if he ever found her, he would drag her back to Uzephia without hesitation. But now, seeing him act with restraint and courtesy felt utterly unfamiliar.
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