Chapter 10
“Do I look like I’m fussing?”
Cairn touched Lilien’s forehead as she lay down. Though she still had a slight fever, it didn’t look serious.
“I told Count de Bermore already, so get some rest until morning.”
“Thanks.”
The sun was just setting, casting dusk light into the dim bedroom, where Lilien’s faded brown hair was spread over the white sheets.
Cairn stayed in the room, watching her face, unable to fall asleep alone.
“I’ll stay with you until you sleep.”
Despite his watchful gaze, Lilien forced her eyes shut but couldn’t fall asleep. Eventually, she tossed and turned, then sat up.
“Um… Cairn.”
“Tsk, lie down quickly.”
“No. I have something to say.”
She tried to resist his strict command.
“Then say it lying down.”
“Okay.”
Finally surrendering, she lay back down. Though she wanted to say something important, she couldn’t bring herself to speak and glanced sideways at him.
“What is it you want to say?”
“Well… I can’t seem to get the words out.”
“You’re opening your mouth just fine.”
“That’s not what I meant!”
Lilien snapped, and Cairn smiled mischievously at her sharp reaction.
“Lilien, did you send that letter to the address I gave you last time?”
“Yeah. Thanks to you, I was able to send a fan letter to Ashburn. Thank you.”
Not long ago, with help from Duke Headington who had connections with the publisher, Lilien managed to deliver her letter to Ashburn.
“You really like that person?”
“To call Ashburn ‘that person,’ is rude!”
Cairn shrugged his shoulders.
“You haven’t read [The Theory of Love], have you?”
He cleared his throat.
“…No, I have. You recommended it.”
“Really? You said you hated those ridiculous romance novels.”
“You were the one telling me to read it.”
Seeing Cairn read the book she recommended made Lilien proud.
“Did you ask the author the questions you wanted to?”
“Yes…”
“What were you curious about?”
“How to write so well.”
Lilien had sent a long letter to Ashburn, praising her writing over ten pages and including her own concerns on the last page. She kept her identity as Clarisse a secret.
The advice Ashburn gave the struggling aspiring writer was brief and clear:
[To the lovely Lilien de Bermore,
Thank you for your enthusiastic support of my work. Judging by your letter, you already have the qualities to be a writer, but here are a few tips…]
Ashburn briefly shared her views on writing before adding:
[Above all, experience is paramount.
Sincerely, Ashburn, who has lived through many loves.]
“What did the author say to you?”
“That experience is paramount…”
Lilien blinked with worry.
“I like your writing better.”
“Eh? What?”
“The letters you write to me are better than that [Theory of Love] or whatever it’s called.”
Though likely a comforting lie, Lilien appreciated it.
Cairn pulled back the blanket slightly and pressed gently on Lilien’s hand, giving her acupressure.
“Still have indigestion? You’ve always struggled when you’re sick.”
“Yeah. Press harder.”
He applied more pressure.
“But Lilien, you already write well. What else do you want to improve? Your sentences are beautiful.”
“Writing well doesn’t mean just using fancy words. A proper piece moves the reader’s heart. My writing…”
“Don’t tell me you secretly write opinions or something?”
“No! No! That’s not it. Other than letters, I’ve never shown my writing to anyone. I just meant if I were to publish properly, it would probably be just fancy word combinations.”
“How would you know before trying?”
Lilien felt frustrated she couldn’t be honest about her situation.
Though there were many women writers in the conservative Klatt Empire, they were all commoners. Some noble ladies wrote, but only in newspaper opinion columns.
No one wrote romance novels.
Looking out the dark window beyond Cairn, he snapped his fingers and fixed his gaze on her.
“You know I’ve noticed something odd lately, right?”
Tricking his eyes was difficult.
“What are you worried about?”
“Um… yeah.”
“What is it? I’ll help.”
“You?”
“Yeah. Be honest.”
“If I tell you… will you really help? Truly?”
“Yeah.”
Lilien pressed him persistently until he gave in, raising his hand in promise.
“I swear on the honor of Headington.”
A rare moment.
When he said that, it meant he would grant her request.
“Really? Then…”
Lilien quickly propped herself against the headboard.
Could she really ask this? But if not him, then who…?
She didn’t know the steps of intimacy between man and woman, but surely this was something friends could do?
She racked her brain but found no answer. Before her thoughts finished, her lips moved on their own.
“Cairn, could you kiss me once?”
For a moment, the dark bedroom was engulfed in silence.
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