Chapter 100
Trying to drive away any improper thoughts, he tried to focus on a pious prayer, but the devil at his back was not cooperating.
“Um… Cairn?”
Lilien poked Cairn’s back with her index finger.
“Asleep?”
“…Yeah.”
“If you’re asleep, how are you supposed to answer?”
With a deep sigh, he clenched his fist so tightly the veins stood out on the back of his hand.
“Um—would it bother you if I hugged you?”
Her fingers trailed down his back, coming to rest at his waist.
“No.”
“Then… could you hold me?”
Lilien sounded a bit whiny, almost pleading.
“I don’t know. Everything just feels strange. I feel like I did something I shouldn’t have, like I should feel sorry to my father, and… I just feel unsettled…”
Before she could finish, Cairn rolled over and wrapped her in his arms.
“What’s the problem, Lili? We’re married. We just did what married couples do.”
Lilien fidgeted a bit in his embrace, then hugged his waist tightly.
“Yeah, I know. But… I was always told that things like that were improper, that I had to be virtuous. Yet I was just under you, enjoying myself… I know I’m the one who wanted to try before we got married, and now I’m acting all conflicted. I know it must look silly…”
“No. That’s not silly at all. Not even a little.”
Cairn gently patted her back.
He was a man, so he couldn’t fully grasp the starting point of her emotions, but he thought he understood a little. Women in the Empire were taught to cherish their purity, and to be proud of it.
Of course, there were women who were more liberal before marriage and spent many nights with the likes of men like Victor Regid, but even they didn’t exactly boast about it.
“You’re married to me, Lilien. You’re my wife, and I’m your husband. Your happiness is my happiness.”
“…I didn’t seem… promiscuous, did I?”
“When you asked me to hold you before our wedding, you were still just Lilien to me.”
She nuzzled into his chest.
“And you know.”
He held face in both hands and gently pulled her back to look at him.
“So what if you’re a little promiscuous with your husband?”
“…Is that really okay?”
“As much as you want.”
Lilien threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly.
“Cairn…”
They clung to each other as if they were one.
Lilien’s legs felt a bit awkward where they tangled together, but the comfort of being held by Cairn was so pleasant, she pressed herself closer.
“Thank you.”
* * *
Establishing a new relationship with a familiar face was both awkward and difficult.
“Young madam, I placed a few books you might like under the pergola in the courtyard. If you’d like—”
“Wait a moment, Mr. Jeffrey.”
Sitting at the large desk in her room, Lilien’s face turned red as she wrote thank-you notes and reception invitations with her quill.
“That title is just… a bit much…”
“You mean, ‘young madam’?”
“Yes. It just feels too strange. Couldn’t you call me something else?”
“But you’re the lady of the manor now, as Lord Headington’s wife, so it’s the proper title.”
“But I really don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.”
“So what would you like me to call you? You’re no longer Miss de Bermore…”
“Um, just call me Lady Headington! That would be so much better.”
Jeffrey’s eyes narrowed, and from his expression, she could tell he thought that was far too informal. But Lilien was just as uncomfortable as he was.
She’d known Jeffrey since she was a child; she’d rather avoid him forever than have him call her ‘young madam.’
“Please, Jeffrey, please help me out here!”
Finally, he relented, which was rare for him. Knowing this, Lilien was extra grateful and made sure to be especially warm toward him.
But awkward moments kept cropping up. Mrs. Bezo, Cairn’s old nanny, also called her ‘young madam,’ and Matilda, seeing this, tried to use the same title until Lilien hastily stopped her.
Honestly, Lilien was tempted to just avoid people altogether. She locked her door and focused on finishing her immediate tasks as quickly as possible.
The wedding itself had only included close friends and family, so they planned a separate reception for early next month. To make sure those invited only to the reception didn’t feel slighted, Lilien filled the invitations with the sweetest words she could muster.
As she set down the final card, she noticed a pale green envelope.
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