Chapter 112
Shaking her head lightly against his chest as if saying no, Lilien continued sniffing before suddenly burying her nose against the nape of his neck. The sweet scent of her hair drifted up, and her warm breath spilled over his sensitive skin.
“Wait a second, Lilien.”
Flustered, Cairn gently pushed her away before she finally pulled back. His eyes, demanding an explanation, lingered on her.
Completely unaware of his confusion, Lilien ran her index finger beneath her nose.
“Why doesn’t it smell? Come to think of it, it never really did.”
“…Smell like what?”
“Cigarettes. Father always smelled like them.”
“Well—”
Well, before I met you, I always aired myself out in the wind.
He hesitated, about to answer, but Lilien was quicker.
“Cairn, I’ve thought it over, and I think you should quit for a while. I’m sorry for changing my mind.”
Looking genuinely apologetic, she clasped her hands neatly together.
“You were so willing to allow it earlier. Why the sudden change?”
“Why? Because I need to have a healthy baby.”
For the most part, Lilien and Cairn were surprisingly in sync, but the things that embarrassed them were entirely different.
She grew shy during rather direct, intimate conversations. He, on the other hand, was flustered by phrases like let’s have a baby—the kind that set his imagination racing.
“Take good care of your seed, all right?”
That particularly bold remark unsettled him.
“Only then will a beautiful flower bloom between us.”
Once Lilien set her sights on a goal, she had a tendency to focus on it with almost chilling intensity. The thought that, once a child came, the lower half of him might be cast aside made him feel unexpectedly pitiful.
“After that, you can smoke as much as you like.”
Patience was torture. If only she would let him touch her freely again, he could give up everything at this very moment.
* * *
In the annex without Cairn, Lilien sat alone beneath the pergola, diligently writing. Whenever no particular idea or sentence came to mind, she would glance around the grounds.
When she looked at the white colonnade, she saw a past version of herself standing there with slumped shoulders, holding a box of desserts. When she shifted her gaze to the tall zelkova tree beyond the building, she pictured a young Cairn clutching a tit’s egg in his hand.
She didn’t write her own experiences directly into her work, but the images that layered themselves over the beautiful scenery still served as inspiration.
At last, her gaze drifted toward the transparent window and the large bed inside greeted her.
Her face flushed instantly, and her grip tightened unconsciously. Feeling the nib press too hard into the paper, she glanced down to find the tip split.
“Madam, shall I bring you a new pen?”
“Yes, thank you, Theo.”
As the servant set down a glass of cool water beside her, he looked at her in surprise.
“Wh-why? Did I make a mistake?”
“No, it’s just… you know my name?”
“Of course. Theo Laurence, isn’t it?”
“Well… it’s just that this is the first time.”
Theo Laurence, newly assigned to the annex, had never once been called by name by Cairn.
“What? Then what does Cairn call you…?”
“He usually doesn’t.”
Cairn was skilled at speaking with his eyes alone, and Theo had an exceptional talent for reading those unspoken cues.
“Theo, by the way…”
Lilien’s eyes sparkled with mischief.
“Are you in love?”
“…How did you know?”
“I knew it! Your face has brightened!”
Moving to the edge of the daybed, Lilien patted the spot beside her.
“Come sit here.”
Theo sat beside her, leaving a respectful distance.
“There’s something I want to ask you. It’s quite personal, so if it makes you uncomfortable or puts you in a difficult position, you really don’t have to answer.”
Surely it couldn’t be worse than navigating the temperamental moods of the young master, he thought.
“Theo, after you marry someday, would you want to take a mistress?”
“…Pardon?”
Thinking that serving Lilien would be easier had been Theo’s mistake.
He had no idea what the ‘correct’ answer to that question might be. Usually, nobles disguised flattery as questions—meaning there was always a right response.
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