Chapter 23
Lilien and Cairn, who were both fully grown by now, slipped out of the conservatory to let the adults have their ‘grown-up’ conversation.
“Why do they always kick us out? We’re adults now too, you know.”
“What are you talking about, Lily? I’m the only adult here.”
“Excuse me?”
“Just look at you. Even Mrs. Ashton’s second son is bigger than you are.”
Mrs. Ashton’s second son was thirteen. Cairn’s teasing stung, and Lilien clenched her fists in protest.
“Cairn, you’re the same age as this shorty you keep making fun of.”
“My birthday comes first, remember?”
“That’s just when your name was entered in the family record! I was actually born before you. And anyway, we’re both legal adults now—what difference does it make?”
When she was born, Lilien was so frail they hadn’t even bothered to register her until months later, unsure if she’d survive.
“Still, you’re just a kid.”
They walked together down the main path from the palace gates, which led to a small plaza with a roundabout inside the palace grounds.
On both sides of the lane, rows of imported fringe trees stretched toward the sky. When the weather warmed, the branches would bloom with white flowers—a sight Lilien always looked forward to.
“You really think I’m still a kid?”
“Sure, you are. So take your time thinking about marriage. I know the Count seems eager to hurry you along, but it’s your decision, and you’re not ready for it. You’re too young to get married, anyway.”
“People marry young all the time! I think my father is counting on that.”
Lilien didn’t particularly like being treated like a child by Cairn. He’d always seen her as a little sister, so it was no surprise—but today, for some reason, it stung a little more.
“These days, hardly anyone marries that young anymore.”
A gentle breeze ruffled Cairn’s hair. Lilien wanted to reach up and smooth it, but his face was far too high above hers, so she just gripped her skirt instead.
Cairn noticed her pale, slender fingers clutching the fabric and suddenly slipped two of his own fingers into her grip.
“What are you doing?”
“Trying to hold your hand before you trip.”
Cairn had always held her hand, since Lilien was famously clumsy and likely to trip over even the smallest bump. But today, feeling oddly self-conscious, she pulled her hand away and hid it behind her back.
“I’m not going to fall. I’m not a child anymore.”
“Don’t be stubborn. Why not just hold my hand before you bump your nose?”
“I usually fall backwards, so it’d be my head, not my nose.”
“Fine, whatever you say. Just hold my hand already.”
Lilien came to a sudden stop, staring at the big hand offered right in front of her. Cairn looked puzzled at her hesitation.
“I’ve been thinking… Maybe we’re too old to be walking around holding hands like this. We’re not little kids anymore.”
“Lily, friends might not kiss, but they’re allowed to hold hands.”
“Kiss… That’s just it. I’ve been thinking about that, too. It was fine when we were little to kiss each other’s cheeks, but now, I don’t think we can do that anymore.”
She found herself tripping over her own words, feeling more and more ridiculous.
“Why not?”
Cairn asked with a small smile on his lips, though his eyes were sharp and searching.
“Because… Well, I read in a book that friends shouldn’t do that.”
She couldn’t bring herself to mention that it was actually the Grand Duchess’s advice. Saying “Your mother told me not to” sounded even more childish.
“Were you reading some outdated, stuffy old book? Nobody thinks like that anymore.”
“Do you even know where the word ‘outdated’ comes from? It means ‘old-fashioned’—which makes sense, because my family’s estate is out at the edge of Baltan, way out in the countryside. It’s only natural that I’d be a little old-fashioned.”
Lilien stubbornly clasped her hands behind her back, determined not to let him grab her hand again, even by accident.
“Do you not like holding my hand?”
She bit her lip at the question. She’d never disliked holding his hand. In fact, whenever she did, she never tripped—nose, head, or otherwise.
“Is that it, Lilien?”
His tone was gentle, almost coaxing. He was always so easygoing—Lilien couldn’t understand why his mother, the Grand Duchess, called him reserved.
“…It’s not that I don’t like it. I just think… maybe we shouldn’t anymore.”
“As long as you don’t hate it, that’s enough for me.”
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