Chapter 25
Cairn had never really been friends with Lilien in the first place. For all her boldness, Lilien was once again doing as she pleased.
He took a cigarette from the leather case he kept hidden in his jacket and put it to his lips.
“Young Master, Lady Frederick left a formal invitation, asking you to visit Frushburn in person.”
The footman said, after confirming the Duke and Duchess had left. He politely asked what should be done with the letter.
“Throw it out.”
The footman inhaled sharply at the blunt order, and Cairn drew in the smoke with a detached face.
“Or just burn it.”
For a moment, Cairn’s expression twisted as if he were sifting through very old memories.
When the de Bermore carriage turned the corner and disappeared, his face became more candid—a wry smile on his lips, authority in every precise movement of his hand as he held the cigarette.
The smoke slid smoothly into his mouth, tasted sweet for a split second, and then left only bitterness as he exhaled.
If Lilien wanted, he was willing to play along with her childish games for a little while longer—especially if that was the only way he could stay by her side.
He wasn’t sure how long his patience would last, but for now, he resolved to take things slowly, carefully, and gently, going over the methods he’d decided on so he wouldn’t ruin everything.
* * *
Lilien woke late that day. She never had much stamina—just a little excitement the day before could easily throw off her whole schedule.
“You’re awake, miss?”
“Mmm, it’s a lovely morning, Matilda. No, wait, it’s already afternoon…”
Her voice was still thick with sleep, her body sunk deep in the mattress.
“What do you want to eat?”
She wasn’t hungry, but she wanted something to nibble on.
“I overate yesterday, so I’m feeling a bit heavy. Could you bring me some warm milk and a few slices of fig?”
“Yes, please wait a moment.”
Lilien climbed out of bed, yawning wide, shuffled to her desk, and started scribbling a few lines. Soon, Matilda returned with a tray of food.
“Matilda, send this by the fastest post.”
Lilien said, handing her a letter. She had written to Lady Frederick, inviting her to lunch in Old Town four days later, and made sure to mention that Cairn would be joining them.
“Yes, miss.”
She sipped her milk and paged through Love Covered in Filth, marking weak passages and adding notes.
‘You mean that scene?’
The parts all the ladies whispered about were still uncharted territory for her, so she left them alone for now—circling the most embarrassing paragraphs with stars and fire, letting her mischievous curiosity burn.
What would it be like to actually experience the kind of passionate lovemaking Ashburn described? Would it really feel as good as people claimed—enough to make you forget to breathe?
There were so many positions; did each one feel different? Ashburn always said size didn’t matter, but the noblewomen all insisted otherwise.
Could Ashburn actually….. be a man?
Lilien twisted her feet as her imagination ran wild.
A few days ago, she’d considered touching herself in the bath—slipping a hand between those secret folds just to see what it was like—but in the end, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Instead, she’d taken a good look at herself for the first time. The strange red flesh reminded her of the underside of a tongue, and she’d been disappointed at how odd it looked.
‘It’s all shiny—almost like a red shellfish.’
No matter how she looked at it, it wasn’t pretty.
‘People actually let someone else see this? Oh god…’
It seemed even more embarrassing than stammering in front of an audience.
“Oh, right.”
Pulled from her lustful morning daydreams, she remembered she had something to do. She opened the pale envelope wedged in her book, tossing aside the wax seal to count the money inside first.
Not long ago, a short story under her new pen name had been published in Nap Time, a secret periodical that noblewomen passed around in whispers.
It was infamous for barely skirting the censors, and had become quite popular. As a result, the royalties Lilien received were unexpectedly decent.
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