Chapter 32
“Yes. I’m angry because of you—and no matter how hard I try, I can’t really hide it.”
While Lilien struggled to hide her own messy feelings, Cairn was brutally honest about his burning emotions.
“I made you angry?”
She hadn’t meant it as an accusation. She just wanted to hear his feelings clearly, but her voice came out sharper than she intended.
“So what, now it’s my fault that we’re arguing like this?”
Lilien realized—maybe for the first time—that today, Cairn wasn’t going to be the one to back down.
“I’ll go first.”
He spoke the final words and walked away without looking back. As she watched him disappear toward the garden’s exit, tears sprang to Lilien’s eyes—tears that only made her angrier at herself for being so weak.
What are you crying for, Lilien de Bermore? What right do you have to cry?
Furiously wiping away the tears, she forced herself to move, trying to catch up with Cairn.
“Cairn—”
But just then, her foot caught on the uneven gravel of the path.
“Ah—!”
Cairn, who seemed to have eyes in the back of his head, immediately turned and caught her before she could fall. He steadied her just long enough to make sure she had her balance, then withdrew his hand, his face as cold as ever, and strode away with even larger steps than before.
His touch had been careful—almost perfect—but far colder than usual. For the first time, Lilien felt she understood what the Grand Duchess had meant when she described Cairn as both dutiful and emotionally distant.
‘Why isn’t he asking if I’m okay? Why didn’t he take my hand this time?’
She almost wanted to whine and complain in the name of ‘friendship’, but she bit it back. She was painfully aware that she was neither a remarkable woman nor a particularly good friend.
So instead, Lilien dug her thumbnail hard into the sensitive pad of her index finger—trying to ground herself with a pain she could control.
* * *
“Thank you, everyone. You’re all dismissed for the night.”
Cairn had rearranged his entire day just to spend it with Lilien. Even so, it still wasn’t enough. After returning to the palace, he’d worked well into the night—long past midnight—handling affairs of state.
He did all this for Lilien, always working in the background, but it seemed she’d never notice how much he cared.
Now alone in his study, Cairn slumped deep into the sofa.
Where had it all gone wrong?
He’d still been able to manage his emotions when Lilien had brought Eisen along without warning. He’d always known people whispered about the two of them being inseparable, and he’d even lingered at her side, half-hoping to fan those rumors.
“Cairn, for Lilien’s sake, you should start keeping your distance.”
Even his mother thought their closeness was odd enough to comment. In a way, he’d been glad. Lilien always denied there was anything between them, but to everyone else, it was obvious.
“Mother, do you still see me as a child who hasn’t even been weaned?”
Cairn never listened, so he’d known it was only a matter of time before his mother tried to persuade Lilien instead. And, as expected, Lilien was too soft-hearted to refuse the Grand Duchess’s request.
“What’s best for Lilien—I’ll be the one to decide that.”
That’s why he’d pushed back even harder, hoping his mother would back off and stop giving Lilien any advice.
“…Honestly, Cairn, sometimes you’re even more possessive than Lilien’s father, Count de Bermore.”
“Maybe I care about her more than the Count does.”
He’d thought his mother had finally given up on pulling them apart. If only she’d told him why the Count was so eager to marry Lilien off—but she hadn’t.
He would’ve preferred it that way.
He’d rather keep Lilien hidden in his shadow, waiting for the right moment to let her bloom—no matter how long it took or how much self-restraint he needed to muster, or what dark parts of himself he had to keep buried.
“He’s meeting Sir Regid at Lake Boltman next week.”
What did she really see him as, to say something like that so easily?
If this was all his patience and consideration had gotten him, then maybe he didn’t need to bother with either, not anymore.
Discussion
0 CommentsReactions
No comments yet.