Chapter 34
After picking up a peach pie from a famous bakery inside an Old Town hotel, Lilien took a stagecoach back to Baltar Palace. The road was bumpy, so she kept the pie safely cradled on her lap the whole ride.
Though she was still tired from the trip, she felt she absolutely had to see Cairn today and apologize first.
If too much meaningless time passed, things would only get more awkward, and Lilien didn’t want to drift further apart from him.
But it seemed Cairn didn’t share the same thoughts—Lilien found herself turned away at the door of the library for the first time in her life.
“He’s not in right now.”
“But I saw the window was open as I came up. When he’s working, Cairn always keeps the window open, and if he’s out, it’s closed.”
“He’s just very busy today.”
“Mister Jeffrey, do you think Cairn’s still really angry with me?”
The strict but softhearted old butler simply pushed his glasses up, refusing to say more.
“You know everything… but all right.”
Lilien stepped closer to the library doors. Jeffrey looked uneasy.
“I won’t go in. Is that okay?”
Jeffrey was ordered to refuse Lilien. But after knowing her since she was a child, he couldn’t bring himself to be cold.
“I just want to say something out here. Please allow me.”
She was a span shorter than Jeffrey, when she pleaded, he couldn’t refuse her. Thinking that Cairn wouldn’t mind this as well, he nodded, just barely.
“Cairn—”
She knocked gently on the door, but there was no answer.
“I’m sorry.”
She pressed her ear to the door, but couldn’t hear even a whisper from inside.
“I’m really sorry for arranging that uncomfortable meeting with Miss Frederick without even asking how you felt. And—”
Lilien hesitated, debating how much to say. In the end, she decided to apologize only for what she truly regretted.
“Anyway… I hope you’re well. I’ll go now.”
She pulled her hand from the door, absently brushing her hair.
‘And… for making plans with Sir Regid behind your back, too.’
But she chose not to say that out loud. That wasn’t something she needed to apologize for.
“Thank you for letting me stay, Mister Jeffrey.”
She handed him one of the dessert boxes she’d left on the console table outside the library.
“This is a peach pie. Please give it to Cairn.”
“Of course.”
She’d already stuck a note on the box, just in case Cairn refused to see her.
“It’s a big pie, so please have a slice yourself, Jeffrey. I’ll be heading off now.”
“Thank you, Miss.”
Jeffrey’s eyes fell on her shoes, stained slightly green by grass.
“If you’re tired, would you like to rest in the gallery before you go?”
“No, thank you. I’m all right.”
She smiled, though she had to turn away without seeing Cairn’s face at all.
As she carefully descended the stairs and hurried along the central corridor of the annex, she heard Jeffrey call her name loudly behind her.
“Miss de Bermore!”
Jeffrey caught up, taking the dessert box from her hands.
“I’ve had the carriage readied. Let me escort you to it.”
He gestured awkwardly, both hands full with the boxes.
“Thank you. I’ll take you up on that.”
Lilien knew this was Cairn’s way of looking out for her, in his own roundabout fashion. She only wished he’d show a little more of that consideration by letting her see his face.
“Is it very hot for you? I’d offer to hold your parasol, but as you can see, my hands are full.”
“Thank you for thinking of me, but it’s fine—I have my bonnet on.”
She wondered why things between them felt so out of sync lately. It felt like her time with Cairn as good friends in Baltan was running out.
The more anxious she became, the more these little misunderstandings piled up, eating away at their precious days together.
Lilien turned to glance back down the corridor, gazing up at the second story of the building, where the library curtains were drawn just as they had been when she arrived.
For a moment, she could almost feel Cairn’s eyes watching her through the open window.
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