Chapter 53
“They say it gets smaller after you do it once.”
Cairn felt like he might die from the gentle yet daring way her small hand slid along his length. When her fearless thumb stroked the sensitive tip, he finally had to speak up.
“Lili, please…”
“Why? You don’t like it?”
Surprised, Lilien stopped moving, still holding him.
Don’t like it? How could he not? The real problem was that her assumption was completely backwards. His breathing grew rough and hot, and for a moment Cairn considered giving in and going further. But, in the end—
“…No. I don’t like it.”
“Oh…”
With a sigh, Lilien let go.
“The night is long, Lili.”
“…Okay.”
She whispered quietly, accepting his decision. After all, this wasn’t something she could do alone.
Cairn gently laid Lilien on her side and lay down facing her. Hearing her still sniffle, he held her close, soothing her by rubbing her back.
Maybe it was the movement, or the comfort, but Lilien finally felt sleep hovering at the edges. As she shifted to get more comfortable, she suddenly noticed something odd.
“Cairn… It feels weird down there.”
Cairn, who had been gently patting her back, went to the bathroom and came back with a wet towel. He calmly wiped the sweat from her shoulders, hands, and waist, then hesitated as he moved lower to wipe under her thighs.
“…What’s this?”
The lukewarm cloth dropped from his hand onto the sheets. After a moment frozen in surprise, he scrambled to find her nightgown to help her get dressed.
“What are you doing?”
“Lilien, get up. We need to go to the doctor—right now.”
Startled, she sat up with one arm half in her nightgown and protested softly.
“Why all of a sudden?”
“…You’re bleeding.”
Feeling overheated from the alcohol, Lilien looked down at her thighs. There was a faint smear of blood where her legs parted. Embarrassment swept over her face.
“It’s not from pain or anything… I’m just, um, about to start my period.”
She covered her face in embarrassment.
“Your… what?”
Neither of them knew that some women bled after their first time, so Cairn accepted her shaky explanation—at least, Lilien did.
Cairn, on the other hand, was visibly unsettled.
“It happens to women once a month.”
Lilien did her best to demystify the situation. Even so, Cairn’s eyes lost their warmth, his brow furrowed deep in thought.
Learning this secret of women’s bodies, Cairn was quietly furious at the unfairness that Lilien had to bleed every month.
“Does it hurt?”
Cairn carefully wiped away the mixture of fluids from her thighs, far gentler than before.
“My lower stomach hurts. And I feel bloated.”
“Lie down.”
Feeling dizzy, she was happy to comply. Cairn settled behind her and, with a warm hand, gently rubbed her aching belly.
Even as her mind drifted off, Lilien liked the feel of his hand so much that she placed her own on top of his, soaking in the comfort as she drifted to sleep.
She relived the strange memories of their first night together.
‘It hurt at the end, but… it was also… good, in its own way.’
She liked the way he squeezed her chest, how her soft flesh squished through his rough fingers. The sensation of his careful hands exploring even her most private places, and the tight, almost painful way he entered her, gave her a new kind of thrill she’d never known before.
Afterwards, the pain was almost too much, but in the heat of the moment, it was sweet.
So, it was good, but it hurt. And it hurt, but it was also good.
With that confusing conclusion, Lilien finally drifted off to sleep—realizing, if nothing else, that the act itself was far less ‘sacred’ than she’d been led to believe.
* * *
The comforting warmth of bare skin made Lilien burrow even deeper into Cairn’s arms. Sunlight streamed through the windows, dazzling her eyes now that the rain had cleared, and she instinctively nuzzled her face against his chest.
“Lilien.”
His deep, husky voice tickled her ear.
Her hazy mind slowly began to clear, and as she took in short breaths, the sharp tang of alcohol lingered on her senses.
“Mmm…”
“Wake up, sleepyhead. The sun’s already high in the sky.”
“High…?”
It took her a long moment to realize what he meant by ‘high in the sky’.
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