Chapter 68
Cairn’s playful threats—mixed with something almost like a warning—finally made Lilien raise her head and glare at him.
“It might not even be true! I was just rambling with a hangover that day. That’s all… Huuhh…”
Her eyes involuntarily dropped to Cairn’s pants.
“With something that… impressive, it can’t be that you can’t do it. It must have just been nerves because it was your first time.”
“Miss de Bermore, weren’t you the one who said that the body and the mind can react differently? You quoted the esteemed Dr. Grenor, after all.”
“Well, yes, but there are always exceptions…”
“So you think Dr. Grenor was just spouting nonsense?”
“…No.”
“Thanks to you, I know for sure now. I just really hate that filthy, unpleasant act. You know I have issues with cleanliness.”
It wasn’t even hard for Cairn to disparage s*x; up until recently, he’d genuinely felt that way. So it wasn’t so far-fetched to lump himself into that category Lilien called ‘asexual’.
At least, that was the story he’d tell himself—though the real exception was standing right in front of him.
“We shouldn’t judge people by appearances, but let’s be honest here. Just looking at Baron Bercy’s stomach, everyone in Baltan knew he couldn’t satisfy his wife in that department. But what if I got dragged into some similar rumor?”
Lilien frowned, as if imagining something horrifying.
“You’d be… well, you’re different. You’re perfect—and you’re the next Duke Headington.”
“Exactly. And you know what else. You’ve seen firsthand how awkward I was. Is there anything I can’t do with my body? You’re always telling me yourself.”
“Yeah… you’re always so good at everything. Unlike me.”
“Right. So if I couldn’t manage that, maybe it’s not just a lack of skill. Maybe I was just born wrong.”
For the first time, Cairn realized how humiliating it was to belittle his own abilities as a man. He’d never cared much about it before, but something primal inside him balked at the idea.
Even so, he kept pressing the issue, clinging to his logic in hopes of convincing Lilien.
“Why do you think I turned down Miss Frederick? There’s really no other explanation. Just think about it.”
“That’s true…”
Lilien remembered how she’d once told him, blushing, that if she were a man she’d fall in love with Miss Frederick at first sight.
“Lilien, I didn’t want to argue with you, but…”
It was a shameless way to make her feel guilty, but he was out of patience and time. If she signed here and now, it would be over—so long as Lord Grenor didn’t come back too soon.
“If it hadn’t been for you, I’d never have realized I was different. You kept pushing me to try new things, and I started to notice something was off. I can’t very well propose to Miss Eisen after all this.”
“Yeah… you’re a good person, Cairn. You only realized because of me. Because I kept making you try strange things…”
Lilien’s face clouded over.
“You’re right, Cairn. And lately, all the ladies say it’s even more important. I don’t know what to do…”
Lilien’s world was so small, and her view of Cairn was only a sliver of who he really was. He wasn’t selfish or wicked, but ‘selfless and good’ wasn’t quite right, either. If anything, he’d have put himself closer to the former than the latter.
“Exactly. That’s why I need you, Lilien. I’m asking you—please, do this for me.”
Cairn slid the marriage contract and the vow across the table, both documents heavy with intent.
His signature—’Cairn Etienne Headington’—was already scrawled at the bottom.
“Alright. But at least give me time to think about it.”
“No. I can’t do that.”
For once, Cairn was unyielding. He wasn’t about to give in, not this time—not even for Lilien.
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