Chapter 92
Dressed in a pure white wedding gown, Lilien beamed brightly, and Cairn slowly closed and opened his eyes, taking a steadying breath.
Her innocent question finally broke the last of his composure.
“Cairn, does this mean we never have to be apart again?”
Instead of answering, Cairn leaned down and kissed Lilien deeply. It had been ages since anyone had ended a noble wedding with a kiss.
* * *
Cold water poured over Cairn’s head. As the icy water hit his warm skin, it turned to mist and filled the bathroom.
‘What do you think lovemaking is?’
‘Well, it’s a natural act based on biological instinct, for the sake of producing heirs, I suppose.’
Lady Robain clicked her tongue at his textbook answer.
‘Wrong. If it were only for procreation, why would contraceptives exist? Why would someone like me—a courtesan—be necessary? For some, it’s about pleasure. For others, it’s about building deep trust and love.’
Just thinking of Lilien’s bare body had him so aroused that even the cold shower couldn’t cool him down.
‘Consider this: the act is so close to what’s considered filthy. It’s right next to the place where we excrete. S*x, by nature, is messy and even a little vulgar. If you try to make it all sacred and pristine, it loses its excitement.’
Lady Robain had praised his desire to use his mouth on his wife’s body as ‘excellent taste’.
‘To a man’s inexperienced eyes, a woman’s pleasure and pain are impossible to tell apart. It’s the husband’s job to help his wife communicate her feelings clearly—don’t forget that.’
Thinking of gentle, petite Lilien, Cairn rubbed himself alone. He worried about whether she could handle the size he had to offer. Leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, he remembered Lilien’s small hands guiding him to her delicate entrance.
With his neatly trimmed fingernails barely visible, Cairn’s broad fingers wrapped around himself as he finished with a heavy amount of release.
* * *
After Matilda had finished drying her hair and left, Lilien carefully buttoned up her dress. She’d be taking it off soon anyway, but she didn’t want to seem too forward.
“We’ve already done it once, it’ll be fine.”
She wasn’t especially nervous about the wedding itself. Other than feeling a bit stifled by the dress, most of her stress had been vented during dessert, and Cairn had taken care of everything, so she trusted that the day would go perfectly.
“No, it’ll not be fine. It’s a disaster.”
But the wedding night was another story entirely. This time, everything was up to her, and she honestly didn’t know what she was doing.
She’d boasted to Cairn, but there was no one to ask for advice. The only married person she was close to was her father, but she couldn’t exactly ask the Count about such things, so she had to fret in secret.
“I have no idea anymore.”
Lilien lay on her back and folded her hands over her stomach. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, over and over. Then the door opened with a soft noise. Startled, Lilien flailed for a moment, then quickly sat up and tried to appear calm.
“Oh, you’re here?”
She lifted the covers and patted the sheet beside her, inviting Cairn to sit.
“Lili, did you finish all your studying? Am I just supposed to lie here and let you take care of everything?”
Cairn leaned back on his hands, looking relaxed.
“About that… I, uh, ran into a few obstacles, so I’m not quite ready yet…”
She’d tried to quiz Mrs. Ashton and some other ladies at the bazaar, but they’d just hounded her with questions about her own marriage to Cairn, and she’d ended up running away.
“If you give me a little more time, I promise I’ll learn.”
Cairn let out a low, dissatisfied hum. He reached out and pulled Lilien to him by the knee, drawing her in like a limp doll.
“Lilien, do you know how you’re supposed to learn horseback riding for the first time?”
“Are you teasing me because I can’t ride?”
“Of course not.”
He tucked her small body against his side and began to gently stroke her thigh.
“First, you get on the horse. There’s no substitute for just doing it—nothing works better than learning by experience.”
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