Chapter 334
Is this because it’s my first relationship, and I’m just inexperienced?
〈Why? What makes you feel that way?〉
After some hesitation, I carefully replied.
〈If you like someone… shouldn’t you like everything about them?〉
〈Like what, for example?〉
〈…For example, physical affection.〉
…Pfft.
They almost simultaneously burst into laughter and ridiculed me.
〈If you expect everything to be perfect from the start in a relationship, then hardly anyone in this world would ever date. If you think you can at least kiss the person with your eyes closed, just go out with them.〉
〈Yeah, it sounds like you have big expectations because it’s your first relationship, but that’s normal. After a few relationships, you’ll just go with the flow.〉
I see. So it’s just because I don’t know anything yet.
As time passes and I become more mature, I’ll probably understand that ‘this is what a relationship is like.’
I nodded, more or less convinced.
Yeah, it’s all because I’m inexperienced, and I don’t know much. Everyone lives like this; it’s just that I’m too naive. It’s because I’ve never been truly loved, so I attach too much meaning to love.
Even so, I kept thinking about last night.
It was almost when I reached home after parting ways with Sunbae. I received a text from my mom.
[There’s a guest at home. Don’t come in until I tell you it’s okay.]
…I should have just stayed with Sunbae. A sudden wave of regret washed over me.
With no other options, I sat on the stairs midway up. I had no idea how long the guest would stay, and even if they left, there was no guarantee my mom would remember to let me know.
I planned to wait on the stairs until I saw the guest leave before going in.
But the longer I waited, the more the loneliness grew. In the end, after much hesitation, I took out my phone and made a call.
I didn’t care who it was or what we talked about—I just wanted someone to talk to. Anyone, as long as I wouldn’t feel so alone.
However…
—Uh, I’m out right now. Is it urgent? Do you really need to talk right now?
Behind Sunbae’s clearly awkward voice, I could hear the lively laughter of women. It seemed like he was in the middle of a fun drinking party.
〈…It’s okay. If you’re busy, we can talk later.〉
—Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow morning.
The call ended abruptly.
I buried my face in my knees. I didn’t need to look up to feel the obvious stares from the occasional people going up and down the stairs.
Even though I knew it was a hopeless wish, I always found myself wishing during moments like this. In these moments when I was aimlessly adrift, I just wanted one little place where I could plant my feet.
***
I broke a plate while working at my part-time job.
I asked them to deduct the cost of the plate from my hourly wage, but the boss declined.
〈You always work so diligently. That’s why I’ll let it go.〉
He patted my back with his thick hand. Unfortunately, it was right over my bra strap.
When I looked up, he smiled warmly, as if he hadn’t noticed. Maybe he didn’t realize because he was touching me over my clothes.
In the end, I chose to quietly step away.
Meanwhile, I continued to date Sunbae. But compared to the early days of our relationship, he seemed increasingly indifferent and bothered by everything.
Then, out of the blue, he said something to me.
〈…I love you, but it feels like you don’t love me.〉
I asked him why he felt that way, and he replied.
〈You’re still young and it’s your first relationship, so you’re trying to accommodate me… But I have a strong s*x drive. So if you’re committed to staying a virgin until marriage, that’s a problem.〉
After hearing his words, I took a moment to organize my thoughts.
He wanted my body, and unless I agreed, he saw no reason to continue seeing me.
The conclusion I came to was…
〈Sunbae, in that case… should we just break up?〉
Sunbae’s face crumpled instantly.
Discussion
0 CommentsReactions
No comments yet.