Campus Log - Chapter 4

“Tightened finances means going bankrupt, doesn’t it? If not that, then what? Mom even said she sold the country club membership.”

When I only rolled my eyes and cautiously checked behind me, beyond the thick tree trunk I could see the man’s back.

Judging by the familiar low voice, the broad shoulders that stretched the shoulders of his T-shirt tight, and the hard forearm gripping the phone, the person sitting behind me right now was the famous Ryu Eun-seok.

I held my breath even more tightly and hunched my shoulders. I should’ve just left as soon as I realized someone had come. If I got up now, wouldn’t it just look like I’d been eavesdropping like a rat?

“Don’t tell me to sell my car too. The car is absolutely not happening. There are already people who are suddenly picking at me just because I started living in the dorm.”

There were many reasons why Ryu Eun-seok was popular.

First, he was handsome. Second, he was tall and dressed well. Third, he was kind to everyone equally. Fourth, he had such a solid sense of style that he had over 70,000 followers on Instagram.

And his abundant wealth played a big part in making all of that possible.

I heard his father ran a big factory somewhere in Cheonan or wherever, and from the time he enrolled, everything he wore had been luxury brands, and he drew attention driving a foreign car. They said he didn’t have to worry about getting a job because he would join his father’s company after graduating.

But now, Ryu Eun-seok was laying bare that his circumstances had become difficult.

Of course, it wasn’t something he was saying for me to hear, but
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried hard to think of something else. I tried to break my concentration by bringing up Kim Dowan’s irritating face instead.

“Ah, seriously, I don’t want to be embarrassed in front of the guys. They keep asking me these days why I eat cafeteria food so often—what do you think I told them?”

But the story that no one was supposed to know kept tapping at my ears, and my efforts quickly came to nothing. Come to think of it, I had been seeing Ryu Eun-seok and his group at the student cafeteria a lot lately.

“Because it’s annoying to go out. Because the cafeteria food is good these days. I’m so pathetic for making up all sorts of excuses that I feel like I’m going crazy. And when we go to a café, they naturally step back assuming I’ll pay, seriously, ha….”

Even though I had been here first, forbidden words kept flowing into my ears, making me feel guilty.

Should I get up now? He still didn’t seem to know I was here. If I quietly moved to another bench while he was on the phone, wouldn’t that be okay? I rolled my eyes around and slightly lifted my hips. But I had no confidence I could silence my footsteps.

“Until when? I really only have to endure this year, right? Next year I can move out of the dorm, right?”

Ryu Eun-seok’s voice was desperate to the point of being pitiful. In front of others, he always wore the relaxed smile of someone who had everything, so I had no idea he had worries like this.

Living each day fiercely, I had always envied men who smiled so kindly. I was curious how much money you had to have to be generous to ten thousand people, and whenever I happened to see him, I felt my guts twist as if I were already tasting the bitterness of society.

Maybe that was why a gloomy sense of satisfaction slowly bloomed inside me.

The sense of specialness from being the only one who knew the secret of Ryu Eun-seok, whom everyone admired, mixed with the superiority of wanting to drag him down by thinking, So he’s nothing special after all.

I know it’s petty.

Maybe I should admit that, just as Kim Dowan had criticized me today, what’s inside me is mean and filthy.

But when a star that was shining alone up in the sky is dragged down to your own level, how many people genuinely feel sorry?

They feel relieved instead. They use it as material to comfort themselves, telling themselves that in the end, everyone’s life is similar.

It’s easier to give out cheap sympathy than to sincerely congratulate someone. I wasn’t any different.

“Yeah. Yeah. I got it.”

Just in time, it seemed like Ryu Eun-seok’s call was slowly coming to an end. I set my hips, which I had awkwardly lifted, back down. It would be best if Ryu Eun-seok left without turning around.

But Ryu Eun-seok didn’t leave. The sound of the call was gone, but the man was sitting there without moving.

And then…

“Sniff.”