Chapter 21
The manor’s servants still treated me like a multipurpose tool for the young master, and thanks to that, I could spend time alone with Claude as easily as ever.
On the surface, nothing seemed much different from before, but the quality of the time we spent together was on a whole different level.
Everything we had always done now felt special. A cup of tea sitting across from him, the spring breeze blowing in through the wide-open terrace window, even the glances the young master would send my way. Every little thing became precious.
Like a stray sugar crystal hidden between rough slices of bread, those small, sweet moments were more than enough to shake my heart completely.
I didn’t know if he felt the same way. Judging by how he kept me close just as before instead of casting me out, I could only vaguely guess that Claude didn’t dislike me.
Since I couldn’t be the one to define our relationship first, all I could do was enjoy whatever he allowed, nothing more.
It was a relationship that would never tip in my favor if I started to argue the terms. I might be bold enough to secretly harbor feelings for the ducal heir, but I wasn’t stupid enough to not know my place.
There was definitely a line I could never cross.
Sometimes I felt the urge to cross that line… but I held back. At least, I believed I did.
* * *
There were, of course, moments when it was nearly impossible to suppress my urges.
For instance, when that blunt and indifferent young master showed even the tiniest fragment of emotion. At those times, I would sway helplessly, like a scarecrow in a typhoon.
I wanted more than just kisses from him. I longed for our relationship to progress to a point where there was no turning back.
That urge, bursting out like a sneeze, didn’t need any particular trigger.
Having served him for so long, I knew a few of Claude’s old habits. One of them was that, on the rare days he came home looking alright, he would nonchalantly hand me a present.
Until all this happened, I’d thought of it as nothing more than a whim born of his excess wealth, or simple charity.
But from the moment our relationship changed, I couldn’t see those actions as ordinary anymore.
Only then did I recall all the little, charming gifts Claude had given me.
A small hair ornament, sturdy leather slippers, a scented handkerchief, a cloth doll said to ward off nightmares when kept by the pillow, a small smooth stone that protected against bad luck, a slender bracelet braided from silk thread…
Thinking back, there wasn’t a single thing among them that wasn’t precious. Above all, the affection he put into those gifts was what thrilled me most.
Why hadn’t I realized it sooner? Just the fact that someone like Claude let me stay by his side was proof of tremendous trust.
Had the young master also been nurturing his feelings for me all this time?
If so, didn’t that mean we liked each other after all?
My God, what a beautiful first love this is. Maybe I’d endured all those harsh, painful years just for this shining moment.
I was sinking, bit by bit, into the dangerous swamp of hopeless love, so much so that such outrageous thoughts began to fill my head.
One night, when Claude handed me a lovely pearl-studded dagger in his usual manner, my heart nearly burst.
“You really don’t have to keep giving me these… I’ll still do my work well.”
I tried to sound blunt, hoping to calm my elation, but the young master didn’t seem to mind at all. Maybe he’d already seen the smile I was trying to hide.
“I’m not giving it to you for that, so just take it and don’t argue.”
If it wasn’t for that, then why did you give them to me? I wanted to ask immediately, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
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