Chapter 22
Rubbing the handle of the dagger that fit perfectly in my hand, I absentmindedly scuffed my toes against the floor.
I’d finished all my tasks and it was time to return to my room, but for some reason, I lingered in front of him, feeling like there was still something left to say.
Did he not want to kiss me tonight?
As I stood there, lost in such pointless thoughts, Claude looked at me with an unreadable expression.
He stared for a long time, as if trying to engrave me into his eyes, like a devout seeker weighing something seriously.
Whenever Claude looked at me like that, my heart would inevitably pound erratically, as if broken. With my heart in that state, my face stood no chance. Blushing red as if I’d downed a bottle of liquor, I endured his gaze.
Because those eyes—those burning red eyes, newly ignited like charcoal—looked at me as if…
“Haa.”
…as if he liked me.
“…Still, I don’t think this is right.”
He didn’t?
His dry, emotionless voice shattered the mood. It was as if a spell had broken and he’d instantly reverted to his usual prickly, sharp-tongued self.
The sweet and affectionate tension that had built up so carefully now broke apart, reminding me that maybe it had all been my own misunderstanding.
What did he mean, ‘It’s not right’? Did he mean he didn’t want this half-romantic relationship with me after all?
I snapped to my senses as if doused with ice water.
Come to think of it, this had been the pattern for the past few weeks.
He would allow only a kiss and nothing more. At the very brink, just when deeper contact seemed inevitable, Claude would abruptly pull away at the last moment.
It was precisely this behavior that confused me about our relationship. Judging by his actions, it didn’t seem like he was indifferent to me, but then again, he acted as if he wanted nothing to do with this either.
What did he want from me? Did he just want to keep me around, not wanting to give me to anyone else, but also unwilling to take me for himself? Was I just something convenient to reach for?
I couldn’t help but feel displeased, as if I’d been teased with candy, only to have it snatched away just as I was about to taste it.
“No matter what, there’s such a thing as a conscience.”
Naturally, I was annoyed at the one dangling the candy with no intention of giving it.
“Don’t come to my room too late from now on. If I need your service, I’ll call for you.”
Unable to read my feelings, he dismissed me not with a kiss but with an indifferent order. I glared at him in resentment and turned to leave.
It was even more frustrating that I couldn’t voice my hurt and sense of injustice.
So it’s not right, huh? Then what was all that touching and licking and kissing up to now?!
The anger I was nursing soon turned to sadness. Even though I’d expected it would come to this, it still felt unfair that I was the only one who had felt anything special about our relationship.
Why give gifts and then leave a person in pieces…
But no matter how much I wallowed in self-pity, nothing would change. Just because I liked the young master didn’t mean I could demand that he like me back.
But I was confused. I wasn’t usually so clueless. From what I could see, he seemed to have more than a passing interest in me…
Though neither of us had ever put it into words, weren’t all those gentle moments—where he cherished me, and I cherished him—truly meaningful to him too? Or was it all just meaningless time to him?
With the sudden wall Claude put up, I stumbled as if I’d hit an obstacle.
My unrequited love, with nowhere to go, piled up like firewood in the dead of winter.
And just when those dammed-up feelings threatened to overflow, a single trivial incident suddenly tore down the invisible line between Claude and me.
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