Chapter 47
VI.
So, that was how the story went.
From the very beginning, Hermann Clausewitz never had any intention of letting me live.
He was as cold and meticulous as his reputation suggested, and he was not the kind of man who would ever leave a lowly maid who might become the seed of future trouble alone out of mere leniency.
As is often the case with children who have managed to survive against all odds, I was always rather quick-witted. Especially when it came to survival, I was as agile as a cockroach or a sewer rat. Admittedly, comparing myself to such things was a bit depressing.
In any case, everything was clear as day.
The Duke was certain to get rid of me at an opportune moment as soon as his son’s marriage was finalized, and since I valued life in this world above all else, even if it meant crawling through filth, I had no choice but to flee with tears in my eyes.
I had considered, if only briefly, confessing the truth to Claude and asking for his help.
But no matter how much he was the heir, it would be difficult even for him to go against the head of the family.
Especially with the current Duke being such a ruthless and relentless man that even Claude couldn’t easily escape his influence.
I’d even imagined the possibility of eloping for love…
‘But asking him to throw away everything for just me…’
Honestly, I wasn’t confident. To put it crudely, I chickened out.
I knew how strangely attached he was to me, but I couldn’t tell whether that meant I could ask him to risk his wealth, his status, even his life for me.
As for me, I was a lowborn from the start anyway, but I just couldn’t urge someone like him—the heir to such a noble house—to live the life of a fugitive.
‘Besides, it didn’t really seem like something that would suit us.’
Of course, I’d definitely imagined living with Claude in some unknown countryside. The two of us in my mind even looked pretty happy together.
A small but cozy cottage, a field just the right size for us to farm, an apple tree, and our children playing around us.
But that was only ever a fantasy.
For me, life was always a thorny path, never a field of flowers, so I couldn’t easily ask the person I loved to walk such a difficult road with me.
Of course, Claude’s life could hardly be called a bed of roses either… But still, wasn’t it a noble position he’d fought so hard to attain with his own hands?
I didn’t want to force him to live a life like mine, being kicked around like a stone on the street.
In many ways, it was better for Claude to continue living loftily up there, just as he was now.
‘I was starting to get tired of being so clingy anyway, so maybe it’s for the best.’
Like the fox who looks up at the grapes she can’t reach, I even comforted myself with thoughts I didn’t believe in.
Since I’d gone so far as to run away, I would have to do my best to adapt to a new life no matter what.
The Duke might realize I’d disappeared as soon as tomorrow.
If he sent out people to look for me, I’d be caught in no time, so I’d have to hide as thoroughly as possible.
For now, the only way to survive was to get to the port city as quickly as I could and board a ship to another continent.
What kind of life would be waiting for me there? Would there be someone better than Claude? I would just have to do my best to live as happily as I could.
Forcing myself to imagine a hopeful future, I laid my exhausted body in the grass at the edge of a village I’d reached after walking all night.
Just as I was about to fall into a shallow sleep, the last image that came to mind, sadly, was Claude’s back as he left for the wedding hall.
* * *
“S**t, I’m screwed…”
Digging through my bag to buy a boarding ticket, I found myself cursing—a word I rarely used.
After walking for days and then riding a carriage for days more, I’d finally arrived at the port city after all kinds of hardship, only to get pickpocketed right from the start.
As expected, big city thieves had skills of another level.
Even though I’d clutched my bag tightly to my chest to avoid losing it altogether, someone had managed to tear a corner and make off with just the money pouch.
Except for the small emergency fund I’d tucked into my bosom just in case, I was suddenly left penniless.
Having spent half my life comfortably in a fine job with room and board provided, the taste of the outside world after so long was, in a word, bitter.
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