Chapter 144
He let out a rough sigh.
“…I was the one who brought this, so…”
Before she could finish, the man pulled her into a tight embrace. A soft warmth spread through her entire body. Lynette struggled, but his firm arms only tightened around her even more.
After flailing a few more times, she finally released a ragged breath.
Sillian waited in silence.
The steady, secure warmth radiating from him slowly calmed her tangled mind and pounding heart.
She clutched the fabric of his clothes tightly.
“Uhk… ugh…”
Her eyes burned hot.
She tried to hold the tears back, but a muffled sob slipped out through her clenched teeth.
She didn’t want to cry. Crying felt like admitting that Euphen was truly gone. But the moment she was wrapped in that comforting warmth, the sorrow she had been holding back surged uncontrollably.
“Hh-hk… uh, uuhk…”
In the end, Lynette broke down and wept.
Tears streamed endlessly, to the point she was amazed she had held out this long.
Now she understood what it truly meant for one’s heart to collapse.
Even in the midst of that despair, all she could think of was Euphen.
‘So this… this is what he must have felt.’
When she’d died before her regression, he must have gone through this same agony.
That realization made her sob even harder.
The thought that she had hurt him, that she had made him suffer, was unbearable. And now, to have even brought about his death.
She couldn’t forgive herself.
She shouldn’t have been greedy. She should never have desired anything that belonged to him. All this happened because of her selfishness over something so trivial.
Lynette trembled violently as she cried.
She had loved Euphen without knowing her place, had dared to long for someone she never should have.
Everything.
Everything was her fault.
She had sworn not to make him sad again, yet she’d gone and caused his death.
If only she could have one more chance, just once, she felt she could set everything right.
Would dying bring her back to that day?
She couldn’t shake the thought.
Even though she knew it was impossible for something like “regression” to happen twice, even though she knew meeting Sillian meant there wouldn’t be a second time, still… a part of her believed that if she died, she might open her eyes and find herself once more on that first day she had arrived at the Imperial Castle.
Burying her disheveled face into his chest, she sobbed.
His clothes grew damp with her tears, but he only held her tighter.
“…”
Without a word, he began to gently stroke her back and her hair with his large hand, as if telling her to just let it all out.
Lynette gasped for breath, squeezing out every last tear from her body.
***
“…”
She hadn’t known it was possible to cry until one fainted.
Crying until she lost consciousness, waking up a little later, crying again, then fainting once more.
How many times had she repeated that?
Her lips were dry and cracked. No more tears would come, yet she still made broken sobs as her face twisted in pain.
Sillian stayed by her side in silence.
Even in her hazy, half-conscious state, she faintly remembered him covering her with a blanket, never leaving her. Only when her throat could no longer make a sound did she finally stop crying.
As the silence stretched, the man cautiously lowered his head to meet her gaze.
She stared blankly at him.
Leaning against the wall, Sillian looked a little worn out.
When Lynette tried to lift herself from where she had slumped halfway into his arms, the blanket slid off her shoulders.
“You need to drink some water.”
He handed her a flask full of water. She didn’t know when he had brought it.
But Lynette didn’t want to. She wanted to just dry out and die like this. To open her eyes and find herself back on that day.
When she didn’t respond, Sillian grasped her chin.
“I’ll make you drink it if I have to.”
He spoke quietly, and then poured a small amount of water into her mouth.
Lynette stubbornly spat it back out.
The sensation of her parched throat being moistened felt refreshing, yet she didn’t want to drink.
Her body had no strength left. Even keeping her back straight was exhausting.
Still, she forced what little strength remained to turn her head away, trying to push his hand aside. Even that weak attempt didn’t make him let go.
He tried again, letting more water into her mouth, and again she spat it out.
His clothes became damp.
“Lynette.”
His voice carried a trace of frustration, but it didn’t matter.
She parted her lips.
Her voice was gone from crying too much.
The sound that came out was dry and broken.
“Just… leave me alone.”
“I can’t do that.”
“You just want to keep me alive because I’m your Guide, don’t you?”
Sillian’s expression hardened.
“Why do you think the only reason I want to save you is because of guiding?”
“I don’t… want to live anymore…”
Her expression twisted. Her eyes burned, but no tears came.
The sound that escaped between her lips was hoarse, halfway between a sob and a scream.
“Don’t say things like that in front of me.”
She tried to push him away, but her arms had no strength left.
Sillian gritted his teeth, drew in a deep breath, and then…
He took a mouthful of water.
Pressing his hand behind her head, he pressed his lips to hers.
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