Chapter 145
“Uhp, ugh…”
She shook her head, trying to pull away, but her weak body refused to move as she wanted. Even when she tried to push the man’s chest away, her trembling arms had no strength left. They only quivered uselessly.
Cold water moistened the inside of her mouth.
She tried not to swallow, but his unyielding hand held her firmly in place until she finally gulped the water down. Only then did the man slowly pull his lips away.
“Kh-huhk…”
Lynette bent her head forward, coughing weakly. Sillian held the flask out to her again.
“Decide. Will you drink it yourself, or do I have to make you?”
She glared at him as she roughly wiped her damp lips with the back of her hand.
She wanted to spit the water right back out.
He wouldn’t let her die of thirst only because she was his guide, she thought bitterly.
His expression stayed firm as he silently waited for her answer.
He looked as though it wouldn’t matter to him whichever choice she made.
“Leave me alone.”
She repeated the words she had said before.
“Just let me grieve in peace.”
She pushed against his chest roughly.
The force only made her stumble, but he immediately caught her.
“As long as I stay alive, that’s all that matters, right? As long as I can guide, that’s all you care about.”
“How many times must I tell you that it’s not just that?”
“Then what is it?”
She wanted to shout, but her throat, still dry from crying, could only produce a raspy sound.
Sillian looked at her with a dark expression.
Lynette twisted her arm where he held her and let out a dry, bitter laugh.
“Are you about to tell me you truly love me?”
“Would it be wrong if I did?”
Lynette laughed again.
“You don’t even know me that well.”
“You don’t have to know someone completely to love them.”
“It hasn’t even been that long since we met, and besides-”
“You hadn’t known His Highness Euphen for more than a few months either, had you?”
“That’s different.”
She had spent years with Euphen. They had shared enough time for their feelings to grow naturally. Though now, all those moments had been erased. Turned into something that no longer existed.
They still lived vividly inside her. Loving him was only natural.
“He is… special.”
“What was so special about him?”
She bit down hard on her lip.
“Don’t talk about him as if he’s already part of the past.”
“…No matter how you see it, the time he spent with you and the time I’ve known you aren’t all that different.”
Sillian spoke calmly, gripping her shoulders firmly.
It was hard enough for her to even stay sitting upright, so Lynette leaned unsteadily against his hands for support.
“Then why is it that when the Imperial Prince says he loves you, you can accept it so easily…”
His jaw tightened, his tone rough with barely contained anger.
“…yet when I say it, you refuse to believe me?”
“…”
“Why?”
“I… love His Highness the Imperial Prince.”
Her voice trembled as she spoke.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d spoken so honestly. There had been so many reasons she couldn’t confess her feelings.
Even when they both knew, they couldn’t say it out loud, and only those who’ve endured that kind of suffocation could truly understand it.
“So I don’t have the room in my heart to think about you, Sillian.”
“He’s dead.”
Sillian said it in a firm, unyielding tone once again.
‘Dead.’
The word carved itself once more into her mind, making her chest ache sharply.
Had she not cried enough? How much more would it take?
Perhaps only when her heart was shredded completely would she finally feel numb.
Her trembling hand gripped the pendant hanging around her neck.
“I won’t tell you to forget everything.”
Sillian’s voice was low, almost like a whisper.
“But shouldn’t you at least try to leave it as a memory now?”
He was right.
Euphen was gone.
No matter how much she longed for him, no matter how desperately she wanted to see him and run back to the Imperial Castle, there was no way to reach him anymore.
Her trembling breath escaped her lips.
She wanted to cry again, but nothing came out. It felt as if everything inside her had been hollowed out.
No tears, no despair, no voice.
Her head hung low. She closed her eyes tightly for a moment, then opened them again, but nothing changed.
When Sillian loosened his grip on her shoulders, she no longer had the energy to sit upright and collapsed softly into Sillian’s arms.
“Lynette.”
He gently stroked her back.
Lynette was dazed.
“My feelings… have always been sincere.”
His quiet voice seeped into her ears, settling into the emptiness of her mind.
She could hear the sound of his heartbeat.
“If you ask me why… I don’t know.”
“……”
“Maybe it was simply fate. Just as you fell in love with the Imperial Prince the moment you saw him… perhaps it’s the same for me.”
It wasn’t quite like that.
She hadn’t fallen in love with Euphen at first sight. She had loved him even before seeing him, from within a time that no longer existed.
A bitter smile touched her lips.
“Even if I were to explain why I came to love you now, it would only sound like a belated excuse.”
The hand resting against her back felt warm.
His clothes were wrinkled and disheveled. The same way they had been when she had clung to him so desperately.
“I won’t ask you to accept my feelings.”
His breath brushed faintly against her hair.
“But at the very least… I want you to believe that they’re real.”
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