Chapter 241
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
“That’s right. To you, I’m the only man in the world.”
He caught my lips before they could leave and began to kiss me again.
“Mmm…”
“Ha…”
Caught up in the moment, his anxiety seemed to dissolve completely under the spell of our kiss. Of course, that was just my wishful thinking.
Even while his attention was on me, every time a sound came from the corridor or outside the window, Killian’s eyes flickered that way. With our faces so close, I could see every tremor of uncertainty in his gaze.
‘What is he so anxious about, really?’
At least once the train finally started moving, he seemed to relax a little. He even managed to sit with me and chat as we watched the countryside slip by.
“How long will it take to get to Dunley?”
“Probably a whole day.”
“Oh my god…”
“We’ll cross the Argen River sometime tonight.”
We were still traveling through what used to be old Highland territory, the train running through fields dotted with country villages and the sharp spires of church steeples. The scenery was familiar now. Propping my chin on my hand, I murmured,
“It’s strange, but this reminds me of the day we first traveled to Eisenthal. Back then, everything I saw out the window felt new and strange…”
At that time, it hadn’t even been a month since I woke up with no memories.
“You thought everything was new and amazing back then.”
Killian said, turning from the window to smile wryly at me.
“Even your own husband, apparently.”
He mirrored my pose, resting his chin on his hand.
“I don’t think you found me very fascinating, though.”
“I did, actually! I used to sneak glances at you all the time—you just didn’t notice.”
“Oh, I noticed you staring.”
“What—seriously?”
I thought I’d been so subtle, but apparently not. My cheeks burned at the realization.
“I thought you were watching me out of fear.”
“Well, at first, I was a little scared of you.”
It was funny to admit, seeing how harmless he really was.
“Do you remember the time you fell asleep on my shoulder during the train ride?”
“Of course I do.”
To demonstrate, I rested my head on his shoulder again.
“I was so tense the entire time, my hands were literally shaking…”
“Wait—your hands were shaking? Why?”
He looked down at me with a slightly rigid face, then let out a bitter laugh.
“I was afraid you’d wake up and be shocked, maybe avoid me even more. I was terrified.”
Oh god. I had no idea he was that nervous. For me, it was just a sweet, slightly embarrassing memory.
“But you knew I wasn’t that afraid of you by then. By the time we moved to Eisenthal, I’d been out of the hospital for almost a month, and we’d already been living together—though not quite like a real couple, since I slept alone in the bedroom and you took the sofa.”
Killian’s restraint during that time was genuinely wise, in hindsight. By keeping his distance, he gave me space to trust him at my own pace.
“Do you remember what I said that first night in Mrs. Bauer’s attic?”
“Oh…”
“Does that sound like something someone scared of you would say?”
<Why are you trying to sleep on the floor, when there’s a bed?>
<Because…it’s your bed.>
<It’s our bed.>
<…>
<It’s cold. Come in.>
“To be honest, that really shocked me. I wondered when you’d started to trust me that much…”
“To tell you the truth, I didn’t fully trust you, even then.”
I thought that if we started sharing a bed, it wouldn’t be long before he’d ask for more, so that night I’d steeled myself and actually invited him to bed—only to find he left me entirely alone for months, even after I asked him to.
“It actually hurt my pride a little, that you didn’t touch me for so long. Even when I asked…or begged. I felt a bit betrayed by my own expectations.”
“…Didn’t you just say you didn’t trust me?”
“Well, isn’t it weird to keep believing your own husband won’t ever lay a finger on you?”
Somewhere along the line, I’d gone from not trusting him to assuming that someday he would want me.
It wasn’t really a question, but when Killian didn’t respond at all, I looked up at him.
“What’s wrong?”
The tenderness in his gaze had vanished, replaced by something almost startled.
“Dana.”
“…Yes?”
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