Chapter 242
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
“Wasn’t it because you loved me that you wanted to make love?”
Now I was the one feeling a little taken aback.
“Of course it was because I loved you that I wanted to be close. Why are you even doubting something so obvious?”
“You just said earlier, ‘because we’re married, because I’m your husband…’”
“It means the same thing.”
“It’s not the same to me.”
What was the difference, really?
The calm, mature Killian was nowhere to be seen; now he sounded almost like a sulking child, insisting they weren’t the same. Suddenly, I remembered what he’d said:
“You love me just because I’m your husband, right?”
So that’s what he meant. He didn’t like the thought that I’d only been with him because we were married, not because it was him.
‘Honestly, he’s been acting like a kid since yesterday…’
I cupped his cheeks in both hands and made him look me in the eyes, as if coaxing a stubborn child.
“It’s not just because you’re my husband. If someone else had been my husband, I never would’ve called him into my bed. I wouldn’t have initiated anything, and if he’d wanted it, I’d have avoided it.”
“That’s right, you loved me.”
Killian nodded, looking pleased, then gave me a hopeful look.
“Say what you said that night again.”
“What did I say?”
“That first night we were together… In the attic. Remember what you told me?”
He wanted me to repeat those words?
“Um… What exactly did I say?”
“You don’t remember?”
“Of course I remember that night! But how can I recall everything I said, word for word?”
“I remember perfectly…”
He looked a little disappointed, his lips turning down. Then, as he recited what I’d said that night, a dreamy, shy smile came over him.
“‘You’re the only man I love.’ That’s exactly what you said.”
“Oh… I did, didn’t I.”
Now that he said it, I could vaguely recall it—but Killian remembered every word.
“Wow… you really have a good memory.”
He looked dissatisfied with my answer; it was clear that what he wanted was to hear me say it again. So I cupped his face and said it softly:
“Killian, you’re the only man I love.”
His smile was radiant, almost as if he were about to cry. Was it really that meaningful to him? He hugged me so tight it almost hurt, letting out a shuddering breath and mumbling, almost too quietly to hear,
“Ever since I heard those words, there was no going back for me.”
“…No going back?”
He didn’t answer, only muttered to himself again,
“I crossed a river I can’t return from.”
At first, it sounded as if he’d been swept across that river against his will…
“And now, just like that night, I’m crossing that river again.”
“…”
“But I don’t want to go back.”
Now, it sounded like he was choosing it—choosing me—of his own will.
“What are you… mmph… talking about?”
His arms tightened around me so I could barely breathe, my face buried against his chest so I could barely catch his words. He didn’t answer my question, just changed the subject.
“Are you tired? Did I wear you out last night?”
“No, I’m tired right now—from how tight you’re holding me. I can’t breathe.”
He laughed and finally loosened his hold, offering me his shoulder.
“Sleep on my shoulder, like you used to.”
“I’m not tired at all, you know.”
Traveling without a care in the world was a first for me, and I was too happy to even think about sleep.
“You look tired, though. Why don’t you rest on my shoulder this time?”
I patted my own shoulder, offering it to him. Killian seemed hesitant, like he was worried he was too heavy.
“Aren’t I too heavy for your shoulder…?”
“Oh, but the man who was lying on top of me last night wasn’t you, then?”
He blushed and clamped his mouth shut, but obediently rested his head on my shoulder. Watching him, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Is it uncomfortable?”
“No, I’m fine, but you—”
“I’m fine, too.”
“You really don’t look fine.”
Because I was so much smaller than him, his neck was bent at an awkward angle.
“Just lie down, then.”
This time I offered him my lap instead of my shoulder, and Killian lay down with his head on my knees much more willingly.
“Close your eyes now.”
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