Chapter 243
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
I watched expectantly as the man on the platform turned toward me, waiting to see his face—
Swish.
Suddenly, the curtain was drawn right in front of my eyes.
“Killian, wait—hey!”
I tried to push the curtain aside, but Killian seized both my arms and pulled me back, pinning me so I couldn’t even touch the fabric.
Darkness closed over me, and it was hard to breathe—because Killian was holding me tightly, as if trying to hide me in his arms.
“I can’t… breathe.”
“No. I won’t let them have you. Even if I die, I won’t let go.”
Even as I struggled, he wouldn’t release me, and kept muttering strange things like a man on the edge. His breathing was ragged and anxious, as if he was being hunted. Even his whole body was shaking.
He’d been through countless dangerous moments before and never lost his composure like this—so why now?
“Killian? What’s wrong?”
He didn’t answer. I tried to reason it out myself—he suddenly jumped up and closed the curtain, and then started acting like this.
“What’s outside?”
All I’d seen were soldiers smoking together and military supplies piled on the platform. There couldn’t have been anything unusual.
“Did you have a nightmare? Or…”
Did he wake up, see the soldiers, and think for a moment that we were still on the run in Highland?
“Killian, this is our country. Those soldiers outside are on our side. They’re not going to hurt us.”
But no matter how much I tried to reassure him, Killian couldn’t snap out of it.
“You think I’ll let them take you again?”
He even drew his pistol and, peeking through the curtain, stood guard as if he was back at the front, watching for enemies.
“Killian… Don’t tell me…”
Watching him behave as if he was still in the middle of a battlefield, I remembered the men I’d seen in Eisensthal. Those who returned from the war broken, who sometimes forgot where they were and acted out as if still trapped in combat.
‘Is Killian becoming like those men?’
My heart plummeted.
“Killian, snap out of it! We’re home now. If you shoot one of our own, you’ll be thrown in prison!”
I tried to talk him down, but he wouldn’t listen. The way he gripped the gun, I was terrified that if anyone approached, he might actually fire.
“Please, Killian!”
“Shh, keep your voice down. They’ll hear you out there.”
“Please don’t do this. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you, either.”
For a second, I thought he was finally coming to his senses—he hugged me so tightly, repeating my words back to me. But then he added, through clenched teeth, something that made my blood run cold.
“I’d rather kill everyone than lose you.”
* * *
It wasn’t until long after the train started moving again that Killian finally put his gun away.
“I’m sorry.”
He whispered, holding me as I shook with fear. But if anything, my trembling only got worse. He’d only calmed down because the soldiers were gone from sight—I couldn’t help but feel he wasn’t really back to himself yet.
“Do you even realize what you were about to do? Why? Did you think they were the enemy?”
He just stroked my hair and panted for breath, offering no answer. The longer his silence dragged on, the more hopeless I felt.
“What are we going to do…”
Eventually, I started to cry.
“I really thought from now on, we’d finally be happy…”
But now I felt that happiness would never be possible. I’d never seen any of those war-broken men truly come back to themselves.
“Dana? Why are you crying?”
He wouldn’t respond no matter how much I asked before, but now that I was crying, suddenly he seemed to hear me.
“Because you’re not well… sob… and it’s all my fault.”
If I hadn’t volunteered for that insane mission, Killian wouldn’t have followed me, wouldn’t have fallen apart like this. All of this, I realized, was because of my reckless, stupid decision.
“Dana, no, that’s not it.”
When I sobbed even harder, he looked truly alarmed and tried to muffle my cries with his hand, trying desperately to soothe me.
“What do you mean, no?”
“…It wasn’t because I thought they were the enemy.”
“Then what? Why would you threaten to kill our own people?”
Wasn’t it even more terrifying to know he might have shot them, even knowing they were on our side?
“They were military police… It startled me.”
Military police? I hadn’t even noticed.
“But why would seeing the military police frighten you so much? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Killing the enemy during wartime isn’t a crime. Besides, Killian was a decorated hero. Why would he react this way to military police?
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