Chapter 44
The garden of the Drexton ducal manor grew boisterous. It was far too noisy. Ah, the Duke probably doesn’t want this kind of thing. Julia thought that absently.
Even amid that grand feast of guests, the princess’s visit was special. Part of the royal orchestra accompanied her, continuously sounding brass instruments as she passed through the main gate of the ducal manor, crossed the garden, and arrived at the entrance.
The guests who had already arrived all rushed out to welcome the princess.
Julia was briefly seized by the urge to catch a glimpse of the princess, but she barely restrained herself. She must not reveal her existence.
I am a ghost right now.
The voices of the guests drifted back and forth. Until the party began, those who wished to rest were assigned rooms on the second floor. Because of that, Julia could overhear the small talk of guests passing by in front of her door.
“So it seems Duke Drexton is truly looking for a bride now.”
“If I catch his eye today, could I have a chance too?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re twenty-five. You’re too old.”
‘Twenty-five… is old.’
Julia’s insides turned cold again. She prayed that the two people, who seemed to be brother and sister, would pass by quickly. But instead, they settled right there in the corridor and started chatting.
“They say Duke Drexton has incredibly high standards. Do you think he’d even look at you?”
“Right, obviously. He even rejected the princess.”
“It’s funny how it ended up with the princess being the one clinging to him.”
“If I can’t be the one, I’d rather it be the princess.”
“It probably will be the princess. Once the princess has set her sights on him, who would dare approach Duke Drexton?”
“Ah, I’m curious. What kind of kiss does Duke Drexton give?”
“Stop saying such rude things.”
They didn’t seem to be siblings after all. Along with suppressed giggles, a brief, sticky kissing sound passed between them. Judging by the conversation, they didn’t seem to be lovers, but rather a relationship of just mixing bodies.
It might even have been an affair.
Julia went pale and gasped for air.
What the two of them had said kept circling in her head. Duke Drexton’s kisses, his intimacy. The things Julia had taken first. But if he found a bride today, Julia would be driven out, and those passionate acts would all belong to his bride.
Suddenly, tears rolled down Julia’s cheeks.
Only then did Julia realize what the feeling tormenting her since yesterday morning had been.
Petty jealousy.
How ridiculous, for a widow of no standing to be jealous of Duke Drexton’s bride.
She felt utterly pathetic.
And it was dangerous.
To forget her proper role and begin to envy the future bride meant that Julia had begun to harbor expectations toward her relationship with Duke Drexton.
If she had no expectations at all, there would be no reason for her chest to ache or for tears to fall.
She had taught more than enough, yet the Duke’s embrace and those dizzying nights kept resurfacing in her mind. That meant she had developed personal feelings.
She had to leave before she started clinging to him in an ugly way.
After receiving her wages and paying off her debts, she had to disappear forever.
* * *
Music spread through Duke Drexton’s manor.
Julia sat on her bed like a stone statue, reevaluating her relationship with Duke Drexton over and over.
Leaving was the right choice. The sooner, the better.
The lessons had to stop as well. There was no longer any ‘teaching’ anyway. They were merely indulging in each other’s bodies.
When the party ended, she would say it immediately. That was what Julia decided.
She tried to stay composed. But the more the lively music and the laughter of people echoed through the entire manor, the more sorrow welled up, and tears kept coming.
If she left this place, there would be no one to accept her.
No. Of course, if she looked, there would be someone. She could move into another household as a widowed private tutor. Perhaps she could even make this her full-time occupation.
But would that fill the loneliness?
For a moment, Julia imagined herself lying under another man, mechanically reciting the obscene explanations she had given the Duke.
At that, a wave of nausea surged up.
“Urgh!”
It was a violent physiological reaction. Feeling as if she might vomit everything inside her, Julia pounded her queasy chest.
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