Chapter 65
“Ugh……”
Idris clutched his head as he sat up. What was with this headache? Lately, it felt like there were far too many days when he woke up feeling uniquely exhausted.
And as soon as he opened his eyes, he rubbed them once at the sight before him.
‘What the. Why am I sleeping on the floor?’
To say he had fallen out of bed while sleeping, a blanket had even been neatly laid out on the floor. He had not been drinking alcohol either, so why would he do such a thing when the bed was right next to him.
Massaging the stiff back of his neck, Idris stood up, only to flinch and take a step backward at the faint outline of a human figure on the bed. And after identifying her face, he let out a deep sigh. Irene, who had taken over the bed, was sleeping peacefully with soft, even breaths.
‘Right. Yesterday, after talking for a long time, she threw a fit about being lonely sleeping alone or whatever, so we barely compromised on sleeping like this…….’
It seemed he had been so stressed out all night that even now he had a faint, lingering headache. Idris rubbed the bridge of his nose. With a complicated expression, Idris looked down at Irene, who was sleeping without even a blanket over her. He had never seen her sleep before and had suspected she did not, but it seemed she actually did.
Seeing her asleep with a face that knew nothing of the world felt unfamiliar and awkward. Without those visible red eyes, she looked hundreds of times more harmless.
‘Ha, harmless, my foot. The memory of barely talking her out of sharing a single bed is still vivid.’
On Irene’s side, since she views him as a parrot performing tricks or a dog, it did not matter to her, but his circumstances were different. Damnably enough, he was a physically healthy adult male. It was impossible to sleep pressed up against Irene, a mesmerizingly beautiful woman except for her eye color, as if it were nothing.
Of course, it was not that he could not endure desire. Was he mad? To suffer pain in hell for an eternity of time because he could not endure a single moment’s ambiguous impulse? He would have nothing to say even if that kind of end were recorded in the scriptures as an ‘example of a stupidly bewitched cleric’ to be mocked for generations.
‘It’s just, haa. The problem is if she catches me having any physical reaction or something.’
He did not have the confidence to handle that self-loathing. Irene’s unpredictable reactions were also a source of anxiety. Having revealed an unexpectedly mischievous side, there was no telling how much she would tease him.
Even while trying to sleep on the floor, the lingering afterimage of the lake flickered in his mind, driving him near mad. He was barely able to overcome it by reciting the Scriptures internally. It turned out to be worthwhile having memorized all kinds of passages alongside his youngest sister while teaching her.
‘Thank you, little sister……. Even if you complained at my funeral that your legs hurt and asked to go home quickly, I will forgive you.’
Lifting the disheveled blanket, he draped it over Irene. Even with the sign of his presence, Irene slept with even breaths, completely motionless.
‘Surely she isn’t pretending to be asleep.’
After folding and tidying up the blanket on the floor, he walked outside while letting out a yawn. Because Irene kept talking to him, he had only slept a few hours and was faintly fatigued.
‘I don’t know why she kept making statements about liking me or being friends. Making a person so restless.’
He had known it well, but she was a woman far too lacking in a conscience. One person was held captive, unable to go back to his longed-for home, trembling in fear, yet by what right did the culprit utter such words?
No matter how worthless and pathetic a life it had been, such a life had possessed its own meaning. It was his everything, carved out by enduring tenaciously. Within it, there were things and people he loved in his own way. He could not help but long for them.
Even if the sickening harassment from the Imperial family continued, even if there was no such thing as peace, even if nothing could be done as he wished. Even if it was an exhausting, bottom-scraping life to the point where isolation and demotion felt trivial, and even if he received not a single drop of love, it still had its own meaning.
……Probably, no.It certainly must have.
‘It is sincere that I like you, Mr. Idris. You are a special person to me, you know?’
……Haah. He did not know why Irene’s words came to mind right now of all times. Taking out a kitchen knife, Idris rubbed his temples. He felt the headache rushing back in.
In any case, it was all lies upon lies. It meant nothing. Knowing that, he still became restless.
‘She probably just said all sorts of things because she was excited. Since she has a terrifyingly impulsive and frank personality.’
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