Chapter 64
Ridiculously, she thinks that she wants to resemble him. If she had that kind of personality, would she not be a little less manipulated by nightmare-like memories as well? Would there not be terrifying instances because she cannot understand herself? She ends up engaging in such meaningless and trivial imaginations.
……Perhaps, could a better choice have been made?
‘No. What nonsense is this? What could I have possibly done? I made the best choice. I am saying it could not be helped.’
Irene leaned against Idris, hugging his arm even more tightly.
‘In a situation where the entire village was rushing to kill me, what should I have done? For them to ask me to do something like die while saying, “I am sorry for turning into red eyes overnight”? I did nothing wrong.’
Had Idris not said so as well? That regardless of family or anything, living is what is important. Irene shook her head, trying to drive away the red and black memories that arose vividly with an effort.
As she recalled the nightmare-like memories, the body temperature of Idris transmitted from beyond the thin fabric was suddenly felt more vividly. From the blanket he wrapped around her to the fire he kindled, every corner was filled with warmth to the point of being hot.
Irene blinked as she looked at the blue eyes silently looking down at her. Earlier, it was full of life at least, but at some point, it was that uninteresting expression once again. A lukewarm expressionless face that was neither particularly cold nor warm. Therefore, she suddenly became curious.
What is he thinking behind that perfect mask?
She wanted to know, yet did not want to know.
‘Because if it ends up with a conclusion like, “Ah, almost everything he said to me was a lie,” I am the only one who loses.’
Tuk.
Irene closed her eyes, leaning her head against Idris’s shoulder again. It did not matter if she anticipated and deluded herself alone. It was enough to be joyful at that moment. Thus, she absolutely did not want to be disappointed.
‘It is truly not easy. Should I say I am tired? Actually, I do not want to be like this either.’
“Mr. Idris.”
“Yes?”
Idris answered her in a familiar and ordinary tone. His casual face feels exceptionally distant today. Despite holding onto him so tightly like this.
“Have we, perhaps, become a little closer?”
“……? It seems to be the case.”
“Ahahaha!”
At Idris’s answer that popped out without hesitation, Irene ended up laughing helplessly. Ah, it truly feels genuine. It was a performance so perfect that she, who doubted him, appeared strange.
‘How wonderful would it have been if I could truly become close to you?’
Instead of playing a part within this sort of charade, how wonderful would it have been if they could have met as truly ordinary people and become friends. If it were not a relationship of whether to kill or be killed.
She hated everything. The demon who offered her a threat in the name of an opportunity, the incompetent god, the world that made her full of errors, and the cruel destiny.
I hate everything. Everything.
“Mr. Idris, do you know that I actually like you very much?”
Irene spoke while laughing, just like always. At those words, Idris’s body stiffened, and immediately following that, he let out a deep sigh. It was a gaze as if looking at a troublemaking child.
“Those words seem to have too much room for misunderstanding. It was the same at the lake earlier, so please do not do this kind of thing recklessly.”
“Are you not turning too serious? What are you going to do if it is truly a confession.”
“Who makes a confession with eyes that are so pure to the point of being transparent.”
“I cannot do it with a sinister gaze, can I.”
“Do not pointlessly quibble over words. I also know that you do not see me as a member of the opposite s*x, Miss Irene.”
‘He speaks well. While he does not even see me as a person himself.’
Irene merely curved her eyes and laughed so that her twisted thoughts would not show.
She wanted to believe in her own way that the countless words and actions he performs, that this friendly tone, would not all be a lie. She did not even hope for affection; she wished to hope for a certain degree of goodwill. Something like the love-hate relationship she possessed toward Marina would probably be fine too. Anything was fine.
‘At any rate, regarding this person, I am the one making him believe that, am I not? His reason for existing is to act so that he can feel that he does not dislike me, and that he thinks of me as a person.’
He was a person she was keeping alive by taking all risks and overexerting herself solely for her own mood, for her own amusement. Therefore, Irene shamelessly wanted to demand a price from him and lean on him completely.
‘It is entirely Mr. Idris’s fault anyway, for foolishly entering this place and becoming a life destined to die.’
Now she has become too accustomed to the existence called Idris. She does not want to miss even a single fragment of the pleasant daily life with him.
Irene closed her eyes, leaning against Idris’s chest almost as if being held.
Whether everything is a lie or not, only this warmth at this very moment is real.
“You are cold-hearted. Still, liking you, Mr. Idris, is genuine. You are a special person to me, you know?”
“…….”
Idris was silent for a brief moment.
Crackle, crackle, the flames of the fireplace flared up violently while making an unpleasant sound.
“That kind of empty talk is not very good.”
“This is real. I do not lie about this sort of thing.”
“Is there any aspect where you might consider me special?”
“Why would there not be? I consider you a friend, Mr. Idris. I think that I want to become closer and get to know you. Sincerely.”
“Haa…… First of all, I am grateful for your words, but you seem to possess a talent for making a person misunderstand, Miss Irene.”
Look who is talking. Even though he is the one who diligently fabricates and spits out the exact words she wants to hear.
“I really mean it.”
Irene muttered, putting a sincere heart into it for the first time in a long while.
She felt Idris catching the blanket that was about to slip down and wrapping it around her meticulously once again.
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