Chapter 77
Realizing a little too late just how upset Lilien was, Cairn began to gently coax her on the ride back in the carriage.
“Lili, I’m sorry. But I really didn’t have a choice.”
“What exactly didn’t you have a choice about?”
Lilien stubbornly sat in the front seat, her gaze fixed on the window rather than on Cairn. At least when he pleaded, she sometimes answered him with a charitable tone.
“Everyone knows we’re legally married now. If we postpone the ceremony, what do you think people will say?”
“You never care what other people think, Cairn.”
She hit the mark, but Cairn didn’t seem fazed.
“Marriage is different, Lilien. Maybe I don’t care what people think about me, but you and the Grand Duke and Duchess Headington—that’s different.”
It was true; since moving out and becoming independent, Cairn often referred to his parents as ‘the Grand Duke and Duchess’, almost like they were distant relatives.
“Anyway, Cairn, I’m really mad at you. The only thing I get to decide for myself is my dress.”
And even that, Cairn had practically picked for her. Lilien didn’t actually care what kind of dress she wore, nor did she know the first thing about design.
“If you’re going to bring that up, I have my own complaints about you too.”
The carriage slowed, and Cairn slid over to sit beside her. Lilien crossed her arms defensively, turning away even more.
“Do you realize you’re treating our wedding like it’s someone else’s? You’ve barely shown any interest at all.”
…And he was right. When he’d asked her to choose flowers for her bouquet, she’d just told him to pick whatever was blooming in the palace gardens that day, only to be met with his furrowed brow.
“Fine—let’s do it in the winter, then I’ll get more involved.”
To be honest, she doubted she’d actually be more interested even then. It was an empty promise. She knew he’d never agree to a winter wedding.
“That’s not happening.”
“See? I don’t even get to choose the date. So what exactly am I supposed to care about, when you’re just going to do everything your way anyway?”
All the little scraps of motivation Lilien had left were spent. She resigned herself to just waiting for the day to come, feeling like she was going through the motions at someone else’s wedding.
So yes, she was bitter.
“Lilien, look at me, please?”
He moved closer and gently put his arm around her shoulders.
“Get off.”
She twisted away, her voice sharp.
“Why are you pushing this so hard, Cairn? Why are you the one in such a rush to get married, when I’m the one who’s supposed to be desperate? I really… I just don’t get it.”
Cairn realized that gentle words weren’t getting through to her today, so he played his trump card.
“I was afraid you’d run away again.”
In fact, Lilien had tried to run away several times—usually when something felt overwhelming or too painful. When her pet bird died, a young Cairn had been the one to find her hiding in the forest, and had scolded her for the first time ever.
“…That was when I was a kid. I don’t do that anymore.”
She answered quietly.
“And besides, you like being close. So you can imagine how inadequate I feel as your husband.”
Lilien’s big eyes flickered, surprised by his attempt at self-pity. She gave him a fleeting, almost sympathetic glance before stubbornly turning away again.
“It’s not like I could run even if I wanted to. Everyone in Baltan knows what’s going on—how would I escape?”
Cairn smiled, which only made her scowl and add.
“Maybe I should have tried harder to run for it.”
Seeing that emotional appeals weren’t working, Cairn switched to logic.
“Fine. What do you want, then? I’ll give you one thing, anything you ask—except the date. That’s non-negotiable.”
“Keep the date. I’ve already given up on that.”
With that, Lilien looped her arms through his, hugging his thick arm tightly.
“Cairn—”
He recognized the warning sign immediately. Whenever she wanted something, she looked up at him with those bright, pleading eyes—not because she was manipulative, but because, on some level, she knew he was weak to her.
“What I want from you is…”
Cairn had to steel himself; the feeling of her soft chest pressed against his arm was making his resolve waver.
“—A space of my own.”
“Yeah, okay—wait, no. No, that’s not happening.”
He agreed, only to instantly take it back. So, half a victory and half a defeat.
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