Chapter 116
Every time Lynette was in contact with Euphen, she had to think of countless things.
The pain she would feel whenever they guided, the lifespan that was shaved away each time she endured Shirin’s magic, the sorrow that would remain once all the truths were revealed…
But with a true Guide, there was no need to think of any of that.
Simply leaning on one another was enough. No matter how often they guided, the body bore no burden, and the ability could be used to its fullest.
She gave a bitter smile.
Compared to someone she could never even touch, someone she had to be content with only watching from afar… Of course she would draw closer to someone she could touch as much as she wished, someone who did not make her feel the slightest bit of pain.
She didn’t think Euphen would so easily cast her off from his heart, but as one went on living, such things were unavoidable.
‘Is it because I’ll leave anyway, that it doesn’t matter?’
She had decided to leave for his sake, because she could no longer bear to watch him suffer.
But that didn’t mean she had wanted to be forgotten by him.
It was such a terribly selfish thought that she could never bring herself to voice it aloud… yet in truth, that was how she felt.
‘What a worthless human being I am.’
Always a burden on those around her, struggling helplessly on her own, unable to do anything, unable to even decide her own heart, only leaving wounds behind…
“Lynette.”
Sillian called her name and held her hand tightly.
At his voice, Lynette slowly lifted her head. He gazed at her with calm, steady eyes, then spoke with a faint smile.
“Nothing has changed, has it?”
“…It seems so.”
She nodded slowly, then walked out to the garden with him as she always did.
She had walked through that garden so many times it was tiring, yet simply because she had awakened, every moment felt strangely new.
So this was what it felt like, to be happy just by being with someone.
Every moment with Euphen had been full of joy, but it could not be compared to what she felt now.
How could she put it into words?
All this time she had thought she was whole, but in reality she had been incomplete. Now, with the sense of having found her other half, she felt the difference.
It was only the simple act of holding hands, yet it felt as though they were embracing.
Before, she had only felt his warmth and the firm strength of his grasp.
Yet something beyond that kept flowing into her, as if it could spill out at any moment.
“Having suffered such unbearable pain as a fake Guide, it’s only natural that a dream would not feel especially striking.”
“…That’s not true.”
How could she forget that moment? When in the midst of horror, she had grasped the only hand that extended to her.
No matter how accustomed she was to pain, the sensation of having a ‘savior’ had clearly felt so overwhelming.
“I think I understand now, what kind of existence I am to you.”
“May I believe those words?”
The man gave a light smile.
“Value yourself a little more.”
Lynette gazed at him blankly, then finally asked the question that had been circling endlessly in her throat.
“I understood clearly in the dream what a Guide is to an Esper.”
Sillian waited calmly for her words.
“…So is that why your heart is drawn to a Guide?”
“Are you asking whether I care for you simply because you are my Guide?”
“…”
“Or is it because you fear that the Imperial Prince’s feelings for you exist only because of guiding?”
“His Highness the Imperial Prince, even without guiding, would have…”
‘…loved me.’
But Lynette could not say those words with confidence.
Even more so now, after experiencing guiding.
There was a vast difference between knowing something vaguely and truly experiencing it.
“Isn’t it foolish to try separating the two?”
The man gave a faint, wry laugh.
“Of course, love does not spring from just guiding alone, but it undoubtedly has some influence.
To claim one would have loved or not loved without it is a meaningless thought.”
His crimson eyes fixed on her.
It was as if they were compelling her to face reality directly.
“Things have already come this far. If it’s impossible to separate them, what use is it to wonder what might have been, had guiding not existed?”
That much was true.
No matter how many ‘what ifs’ she imagined, nothing would change now.
“The Imperial Prince’s feelings were, to some extent, because of guiding.”
Normally Lynette would have told him not to speak so presumptuously about Euphen.
But now, she could not offer the slightest rebuttal.
“I cared for you because you were my partner. Through each moment of contact, I grew to see you as someone close, to cherish you as my only savior.”
“Sillian.”
“And then, gradually, I came to embrace you just as you are. So if my feelings began with guiding, does that make them fake?”
Lynette’s lips parted slightly.
“The beginning isn’t what matters. Even if it started as love, if all that remains is mere guiding between us, can that still be called love?”
“…No, I suppose not.”
Sillian smiled faintly.
“It doesn’t matter what came first. But since guiding often becomes a bond that eases the ties between two people, I will allow myself to hope for one thing.”
“…Hope for what?”
“That, even if only a little, you will come to hold me in your heart.”
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