Chapter 176
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
The children, as if they had been waiting, stood up from their desks and began moving. Most of them rushed out of the classroom, but a few gathered around the teacher at the teacher’s desk by the window.
As the children clung to him, the man, who had been placing his lesson plans and textbooks on the desk, turned to face them. In that moment, the smile he gave them, who were chirping like baby birds, was as bright and warm as the sunlight pouring onto him.
‘Do you kids know? Your angelic teacher is the enemy. The enemy who killed your fathers and brothers.’
To him, those children were the enemy’s children. What kind of feelings did he have while teaching them?
As the children dispersed again, the man, who had been tidying up the desk alone, looked up and paused as he gazed out the window. The moment he spotted me, he smiled even brighter than the sunlight.
‘Did he use that angelic smile to charm me, making me betray my country and commit murder? What was going through his mind back then?’
The bright smile quickly faded. The man, who went by the name Johann, threw open the window and stuck his face out, now looking troubled.
“Rize?”
“……”
“What’s wrong? Did something happen with Mrs. Bauer?”
He reached out his hand toward me, but when I didn’t move, he asked again.
“You’ve been acting strange since this morning… Could it be that you’re mad at me?”
“……”
“Rize, tell me. What did I do wrong?”
He seemed to be sure it was something he had done, and as he leaned further out the window, he reached out even more eagerly. The calloused hand in his outstretched arm caught my eye, and without realizing it, I released the tension I had been holding in.
Calluses. I was sure he hadn’t had those before coming here.
I remembered when I had just been discharged and had caught a severe cold shortly after. His hand, which had gently wiped my forehead when he took my temperature, had been soft as though he had never done a hard day’s work in his life. I suddenly remembered how much he had worried about me and how much he had cared for me back then.
Since waking up in the hospital with no memory, I had been terrified of him, but after that day, my heart began to lean toward him. Even now, I was drawn to that kind hand, and as it wrapped around mine, I unconsciously opened my mouth.
‘Johann, are you really a spy?’
But as soon as I started to speak, I couldn’t get the words out and closed my mouth again. It felt foolish to call him Johann now.
‘What’s your real name?’
I realized that I didn’t even know the name of the man I had lived with for years.
“Rize?”
I must have shown some resentment in my eyes, for he called my name again. You know my name, but I don’t know yours. And so, once again, I clenched my teeth in anger and asked him.
“Do you really love me?”
I truly am a foolish person. The fact that whether this man is a spy or not is less important to me than whether he loves me is pathetic.
Am I just the kind of person who fell for his tricks and ended up betraying my country?
“I’m not asking if you just love me, but if you really do love me…”
The man, who had been looking at me with wide eyes as though he didn’t understand my question, finally gave an ambiguous answer.
“You’re asking, knowing the answer already.”
True. I already knew he was a liar, and yet I asked.
“Then asking knowing the answer means there’s a misunderstanding…?”
Is he trying to cover up with another lie?
“Why do you think I don’t love you?”
I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“I think you—”
But as soon as I started to speak, I hesitated, and he urged me on.
“Rize, please tell me. Any words are fine.”
No, it’s not fine. The moment I speak, something irreversible will happen, and I can’t avoid that.
‘I know you’ve deceived me. I know you’re not Johann Renner. You’re a spy from the enemy.’
What would this man do if I told him? And what would the major do? There must be someone watching us now, because I’ve let him get close when I shouldn’t have. If he reacts to my words in any way, someone might notice and arrest us.
“I can wait. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
The man who did not understand why I was hesitating, thought we had all the time in the world and said he would wait.
“But you have to tell me, for sure.”
He pulled a red clover flower from the vase on the desk, wiped it with a handkerchief, and wrapped the stem around my left pinky, making a flower ring for me. As he made it, he asked about lunch and whether Mrs. Bauer had taken me to the carriage. When I didn’t answer, he started talking about himself.
“The girls in my class picked these at lunch. They asked me to make a ring for them.”
The man smiled affectionately as he skillfully twisted the stem around my finger.
“I’m glad to be leaving, but I’ll miss the kids. I feel bad leaving without saying goodbye…”
Though I felt the same about Mrs. Bauer, it was hard to empathize with him when he said it.
‘You’re the spy who came to kill them.’
But the man I knew didn’t seem like the demon of Falkland that everyone cursed. Maybe he truly felt affection for the people of the enemy country.
But perhaps it wasn’t genuine affection—maybe he was just skilled at pretending to be an angel.
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