Please Forget Me - Chapter 318

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

‘Right now, I’m the only one you can lean on—that’s why you feel this way.’

That’s how I tried to reduce your love to a survival instinct.

‘When we go home, will you even think of me? Probably not.’

And that was fine. Whatever the reason, the fact that you liked me again—even for a brief moment—felt like recompense enough. I decided I would cherish that bittersweet joy in my heart and continue on my path alone.

But a resolve that hadn’t wavered even an inch collapsed without a trace at a single sentence from you.

“The only man I love is you.”

I never imagined I would hear the words I had wanted most in my life. In fact, until that moment, I hadn’t even known I wanted to hear them.

In that instant, I let go of everything and clung only to you, yet somehow felt as though I possessed the world.

Dana, you make me a man.

Even when we were young, you were the only one who ever acknowledged me as one. And the woman who made me a man as an adult was you as well.

The moment your body that was once closed so firmly to everyone else, opened only to me, it felt as though the gates of heaven had been thrown wide. Drunk on that ecstasy, I began to harbor an arrogant, twisted belief.

Rupert’s death was divine punishment for him and an opportunity for me. You were the fruit granted at the end of suffering, a ripe reward bestowed by God, and I was plucking and tasting it now.

God always grants gifts at the end of trials. I convinced myself that having passed every test, I had been given you whole. As I drew you into my arms and pressed myself into you, I indulged that conceit.

In God’s eyes, I told myself, I must be this woman’s true companion.

After all, it had always been that way. You loved Rupert because you loved me. In the end, the man you truly loved was me.

‘Look carefully. The man making love to Dana right now is me.’

I reveled in traversing the secret path denied to him, flaunting them before Rupert as though he could see from hell.

I came to my senses only after losing myself in you, when I saw blood mixed with what spilled from your body.

It was the blood of a virgin.

You truly had never been with Rupert. I’d thought you might have given in after I left, but you really had no experience.

Yes. That night with me was your first.

I’m sorry I deceived you. I’m sorry that only now I confess and apologize. Whatever my reasons, the sin was mine. I was a sinner.

Watching proof of your first time and the seed of a man who was not your husband spill between the legs of a woman who believed she was joyfully reuniting with her husband made me loathe myself to madness.

The you in the past saw people clearly. I truly was a filthy beast.

“Lust is a gift God grants mankind, and in itself not a sin. But adultery is. Confess your sin to God at once and pray for forgiveness. I will pray for Mrs. Zimmerman as well.”

“Hah, don’t make me laugh. Who do you think you are, God’s messenger? You’re no better than I am, just another filthy sinner. Don’t pretend you’re above me.”

That woman, who accused me of being just as filthy a sinner as herself, had seen me clearly too.

From that night on, even if I were to fall into hell, I prayed only that God would save you as the innocent victim who knew nothing.

I did not pray for forgiveness of my own sins. I couldn’t forgive myself.

And how could a man who does not truly repent be absolved? Yes, I felt guilty for deceiving and desiring you but I did not regret it.

We had shared love, after all. And the love I gave you was not false.

If I had truly repented, I should have refused you when you sought me again. But as you know, I always yielded, as though reluctantly, and shared your bed.

Because outside of you was hell—

“Ah, ah, love you—more—there—ah, good, so good—so good—”

But inside you was heaven.

It was a moment of sin, yet it felt as though we had returned to the first couple, becoming the only male and female in the world, sharing original sin together.