Chapter 349

But then…

“Why is this…?”

“It seems he didn’t open it.”

Why was my letter returned? Unread, without even being opened.

Before I could even read Killian’s reply, I was already crying as I unfolded his letter.

[Dear Miss Dana Loveridge,]

I fell into despair at the very first line.

[Dear.]

A word that speaks of affection, yet is the furthest thing from love. That Killian would address me so formally—so distantly.

The fact that he didn’t call me Marchioness Mansfield gave me the faintest shred of hope, but the lines that followed crushed it completely.

[I’m doing well. You’re a kind person, so if you were worried after hearing about me, I want you to know there’s no need for that.
I’ve also heard that you’ve been doing well and have moved on.
I hoped that wasn’t a lie, but now that you’ve begun looking for me, I suppose it was after all.]

Rupert Mansfield, that fraud, must have lied again.

* * *

[If you’re doing this out of guilt, then I want you to know you truly don’t need to feel sorry. I’m here by my own choice. Please respect that choice.

Judging by the fact that you’re contacting me only through my mother’s lawyer, it seems you’ve learned the truth. If that’s why you’re reaching out, Dana, then please don’t forget this: I once tried to kill you.

Now that I have no one by my side and no work to occupy me, I’ve had plenty of time to look back on the past, slowly, carefully. And the more I do, the clearer it becomes.

My love was wrong.

I forgot to mention this when I last told you my story, but before we crossed the border, I intended to make you carry my child. Because I was afraid that once we returned home and you learned the truth, you would leave me. You remember that, don’t you?

Every time I faced the possibility of losing you, I made a cowardly choice.

Even if you try to defend me by saying I only lost my reason for a moment, the truth remains that a man like that is not a good man.

Don’t waste your precious heart on someone like me.

You were made unhappy because Rupert is vile and I am cowardly. You were dragged into this without fault and suffered needlessly. I truly have no face to show you.

Honestly, I hope you can become free, from Rupert, and from me. I hope you live fully, enjoying all the things you had to give up because you were entangled with us, and that someday you meet a man who truly deserves to share love with you.

And one more thing, please choose a man you never have to yield to.

Choose someone who yields to you, unconditionally.

If you continue living with Rupert, for whatever reason, then all the more I want to say this to you:

Don’t endure things just because you love someone.

You endured everything Rupert did. I was no exception. You endured even when you believed I had another woman. Please, never do that again. You’re too kind, and that worries me.

So even now, even after learning the truth, don’t forgive me out of compassion. That worries me as well.

Dana, in Highland, I was the only one by your side, so you had no choice but to rely on me. But that’s no longer the case.

You have a respected father. You have the title and wealth of a Marchioness. Those things will support you far better than I ever could.

And though you appear fragile on the outside, you’re strong within. You may seem impulsive, but you’re quick-witted and adaptable. You’re sensitive, perceptive, pure and yet you understand how the world works.

You can do this on your own.

It may be painful now, but one day you’ll believe this was the right decision. I know you’d argue that when you imagine my future, asking how such a thing could possibly be right.

So let me be honest with you, Dana.

I’m tired. I want to rest now. Can you understand that?

This isn’t your fault.

I worry you might think I’m doing this out of anger toward you, but I don’t resent you.

On the contrary, I’m grateful.

Knowing that you understood I was your first love, that alone is enough for me. All other misunderstandings mean nothing.

There’s just one more thing I want to ask.

Please let what happened between us remain only between us. For my sake, can you do that?

That’s all I have to say. Both about how I’m doing and what I wish for you.

Now it’s time to say goodbye.

I’ve regretted not being able to properly say farewell to you before. At the time, I couldn’t think of the right words. But now, at last, I can. I’m glad I was given the chance.

Be happy, Dana.

And forget me.

Leave all our memories with me. I’ll take them all when I go.

You should forget everything and live as though none of this ever happened.

…]

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