Chapter 54
“High in the sky?”
Lilien blinked her big eyes in confusion.
“Yes, midday.”
Cairn replied with a soft, amused smile.
Lilien sat up suddenly and, still half-asleep, looked over at Cairn’s bare torso. Her eyes drifted down, and she froze as she realized she herself was completely naked. Cairn let out a quiet chuckle at her rapidly reddening face.
“H-hey! Don’t look!”
With a squeal, Lilien yanked the blanket over herself and dashed off to the bathroom, leaving Cairn watching her cute, pale backside with amusement.
“Lili, shouldn’t you cover the back, too?”
Thankfully, bashful Lilien didn’t hear it.
* * *
“Cairn, be gentle!”
Lilien sat at her vanity while Cairn carefully patted her wet hair with a towel.
“You wash and dry this long hair every day?”
“Matilda usually helped me.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“…I’ll get used to it, I suppose.”
“Why did you suddenly send everyone away?”
“I can’t pay them anymore. I couldn’t ask people to work for nothing.”
“Even so, it’s all so abrupt. What if something had happened to you alone in this big house with your father gone?”
“But nothing happened—because you came.”
Nothing happened?
Lilien kept trying to steer the conversation elsewhere, but Cairn felt this was something they couldn’t just brush past. A kiss was one thing, but last night they’d crossed a line. He’d been just as eager as she was, but that only meant he needed to take responsibility and talk about it.
“Lili, why did you do that all of a sudden?”
“…Do what?”
“Don’t play dumb.”
Cornered by Cairn’s directness, Lilien took a deep breath.
“It’s just, I… because of the alcohol—”
“Don’t tell me you did it just because you were drunk.”
“It’s just… well…”
“Well, what?”
Lillian hesitated for a long moment, her lips moving without sound. Cairn waited patiently for her to speak.
“…Because I thought I might get sold off.”
Saying it out loud left her feeling oddly relieved. She gave a shaky laugh at her own pitiful situation.
“I see.”
Cairn, not knowing the whole story, answered gently.
That was all it took. Suddenly, Lilien broke down, sobbing as if her dam had burst. Her grief and anxiety overwhelmed her.
Caught off guard, Cairn hesitated, then awkwardly reached out to hold her.
“I was scared I’d be sold to some rich old man. What if I had to marry a grandfather…?”
Cairn wanted to know more, but he waited patiently, gently patting her back.
“It must have been hard, worrying like that.”
“I didn’t want to spend my wedding night with some old man.”
She choked and gasped between sobs.
“All wrinkly and… ugh.”
“All right, blow your nose.”
Cairn held a handkerchief up to Lillian’s face, and, obedient as a child, she gave a loud sniffle into it. Swallowing hard, she wiped away her messy tears and continued speaking.
“Still, if it comes to that… I’d much rather spend the night with you—you’re strong and big.”
Even after blurting out something that really needed an explanation, Lillian kept sobbing for a while.
Once she’d finally gotten it all out, she tucked her hair calmly behind her ear, her nerves settling a bit. Meanwhile, Cairn was just left even more confused.
“My body is… what?”
Lilien took a deep breath and took his hand, looking up at him with clear eyes that held neither mischief nor longing. The wild, impulsive woman from last night had vanished.
“I’m sorry, Cairn.”
He wanted to ask if she really didn’t hate his ‘huge, ugly’ body after all, but couldn’t bring himself to. It didn’t feel like the right moment for such a question.
“I’m really sorry. Last night must’ve been your first time, too.”
All she’d done was use him for his body and completely ignore his feelings. Cairn felt nothing but resentment.
“Let’s just call it a rehearsal.”
If she’d been even a bit more shameless, he might have scolded her, but her blithe apology and excuses left him speechless.
A new cloud of worry crossed Lilien’s face.
“Cairn, can I ask something?”
She fidgeted with her slippered toes.
“Is there something wrong with you?”
“Just say what you mean.”
Encouraged by his words, Lilien squeezed her eyes shut and blurted it out.
“Do you not have any desire?”
The topic was whirling off in a new, unexpected direction. Cairn felt dizzy. Has he ever felt this off-balance before?
He straightened up, and Lilien had to crane her neck to look up at him.
“If that’s the case, maybe Christian can help you—not that you need fixing, I just—”
“You saw with your own eyes last night that’s not the case.”
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